The Second Time You Fall
by Katta
Summary: If Ike never died, would he have lived happily ever after with Emily, or would something come between them?
1. The Ride

_TYR soap, first story:**  
The Second Time You Fall  
**_****  
_This and all future stories of the TYR soap will let Ike survive In The Face of Mine Enemies. He's not essential in all the stories, but the point with soaps is that stories blend into each other.  
The conversations in Spanish et.c. are usually not very important for the stories, but if you want any translation, please contact me.  
  
_

Chapter 1: The Ride  
  
Teaspoon read the letter once more. It troubled him. He watched his riders, that at the moment seemed to be having an inofficial competition on who could swallow the largest amount of meat without chewing first. Things were busy right now, and he didn't know how to do without a single of the boys, not to mention three. But for Alonzo's sake, he would try.  
What's the matter, Teaspoon? asked Cody. You look like the world just fell down on your shoulders.  
I got a letter from an old friend, said Teaspoon and rubbed his chin. Alonzo Girón. His wife Becky is - well, was - my sister in law. They live in this town called Reina Isabella, a bit south of Kearney. Most of the people there are pennyless Mexican farmers, and that storm a while ago caused quite a lot of trouble. He stopped for a minute, and they looked silently at him, waiting for the point. So, Alonzo's asking me for two or three boys to help him out for a while. Go down to Reina Isabella and live there for a a few weeks - a month maybe.  
A month?! said Jimmy disbelieving. His tone of voice made Teaspoon smile.  
I take it you're not going to volunteer?  
I'll go, said Lou quickly.  
Me too, said Kid.  
Then I'll stay!  
Lou's voice was as hard as stone, and Teaspoon sighed. This was more than just another love quarrel, this was almost a breakup. Maybe it was just as good to keep them apart for a while.  
Alright, Louise, he said. You'll go and Kid will stay here. Only trouble is, Alonzo knows Majors, so you'd better go as a boy. Not that he'd exactly tell on you, but through no fault of his own, he's absolutely no good at keeping a secret.  
No problem, said Lou, and Teaspoon nodded at her.  
Still need at least one more.  
His eyes set on Ike. That was a thought. He had been darn close to the valley of death and it wouldn't hurt to keep him away from danger for a while.  
Ike noticed the look. Me?  
Yeah, it's still hard work, but at least you won't lose any more blood. Of course, if you don't want to be away from Emily that long, I understand.  
No, that's okay, I can go.  
Well, then I'll go, too, said Buck. If that's alright with you, that is.  
Sure. The three of you can leave tomorrow, and everyone else will take your rides.  
More work, just what I need, muttered Jimmy. Teaspoon chose to ignore him.  
First you'll go to Kearney and then  
, added Lou. You said that already.  
Right. Sorry, lot on my mind right now.  
  
Reina Isabella might have been a beautiful place ordinarily, but at the moment it looked remarkably like a pile of junk. Many houses lacked roofs, some even walls, and the mud and rubbish around them made you wonder whether it was more appropriate to laugh or to cry.  
Excuse me. Lou addressed an old woman. We're looking for Alonzo Girón's house.  
The old woman shook her head.  
There is no house anymore, she said in broken English. A big tree fell on it and the house was wrecked. They sleep in the cellar now, and cook outside.  
How awful!  
Oh, they're not the only ones. The storm has made many people homeless.  
The riders looked at each other. All felt a bit shook up. It had been bad weather in Rock Creek as well, but nothing like this.  
, said Buck in a hesitant tone of voice, is the place where house used to be?  
She pointed down the road and said:  
Over there and then to the left.  
She said farewell and then walked away, completely happy-go-lucky.  
Lou sighed. I suppose we'd better go see them.  
They walked in the direction the old woman had shown them and soon saw the former house, that looked just like a house of cards that had fallen down, although someone seemed to have started to try and sort it up a bit. In the yard, there was a middle-aged anglo-looking woman, who looked at them with curiousity in her friendly face.  
Mrs Girón? My name is Lou McCloud, they're Buck Cross and Ike McSwain. We are  
Teaspoon's boys. The woman had a heavy Southern accent. She straightened her back and her face brightened. You are, aren't you?  
Yes, ma'am.  
Oh, bless him! She smiled happily at them. Well you can see for yourself that it is quite a lot that needs to be done. Alonzo's strong enough, but he's not a big man and it's too much for us to do alone. And everybody in this town has problems right now, so you're really sent from heaven. Welcome!  
Her face darkened again as she looked at the hole in the ground.  
I can't very well have you sleeping here, though, she said. There are hotels and boarding places in this town, but I don't know if any of them will have any rooms that are both whole and available. It's worth a try, though.  
Thank you. Shouldn't you do the same?  
Mrs Girón shook her head.  
This is my home, she said, looking at the boards and bricks. It's nothing but garbage right now, but I can't bear to leave it.  
  
Since the first place they tried was full and the second was uninhabitable, the riders started to wonder if they would be able to sleep in a bed that night. The staff had been helpful, but there was really nothing to be done. They had to take care of their own first.  
They stepped out of the second hotel and looked around, uncertain of what to do. There were no more official boarding places in the town, although the receptionist had explained that many families kept boarders on the side.  
A teenage girl was sitting on a fallen tree, playing The Star-Spangled Banner on some instrument that looked like a bent trumpet. She was tall and rather chubby, with long, thick, black braids falling down her back, and her eyes were closed. By her feet there was a large, mustard-coloured dog that wagged its tail and seemed eagerly taken in with the music. The riders stared at the strange pair, but they didn't look back. It was as if nothing existed in the world except the melody.  
After a while Lou tore herself away from the music and turned to the guys.  
So, got any great ideas?  
The only thing I can think of is asking everyone we see if they know of a place to crash answered Ike.  
Well there has to be someone who has at least a spare bed, said Lou.  
The girl opened her eyes and looked at the riders with something that had a vague resemblance to interest, but she didn't stop playing. Even though she was clearly Mexican, her eyes were deep blue. Buck tried to approach her.  
You don't by any chance know of any boarding places that still have rooms?  
This single remark made the dog growl, and its fur rose. The girl's face got an amused expression, still without any change in her playing, although she bent her head. Buck waited for a moment, then shrugged, and they started to leave.  
When the girl had finished the melody, she took the instrument from her mouth and shouted:  
Hey, misters, come back here!  
They turned around and did as she told them.  
Don't you ever try to interrupt a melody before it has come to a keynote! she said.  
, said Buck. Do you know of a place where we can stay?  
You can stay at our house, she answered and started to walk down the road, motioning to them to follow her. We have a wing with six rooms, and only four of them are taken. Two of you will have to share a room. Is that alright?  
The riders looked at eachother and agreed. The girl's face lit up.  
Good! My name is Nita. Actually, my full name is María Juana Fernandez, but nobody calls me that. Not even my teachers! She laughed and shook hands with the riders. hello and hello! Randy! She clapped her hands. Say hello to our new boarders!  
The dog barked happily and put his big paws on Lou's chest. It nearly made her fall. She patted the dog on his shaggy fur and he licked her chin. Then he did the same thing with the others, wildly wagging his tail all the time. When Ike got the furry face close to his own, he sneezed.  
said Nita automatically, and then she smiled at herself. I mean bless you, of course. Is it he who makes you do that?  
Ike nodded and sneezed again.  
Oh, too bad, she said. He seems to like you. Randy, come here!  
The dog obeyed, and she squatted in front of him. He tried to lick her face, but she pushed him away to arms length.  
Now, I want you to go home and tell mamá that I'm bringing guests. Okay?  
It didn't seem to be okay, because the dog made no move. She clapped her hands again.  
¡A casa! ¡Corra!  
The dog reluctantly started to run down the road.  
What is that thing? asked Lou.  
Nita raised her eyebrows.  
It's a dog, she said. If you mean what kind, I don't know. He's a mutt. Like me.  
No, I meant, that instrument, said Lou, pointing at the shiny buglar.  
Oh, that! It is called a saxophone. The girl caressed her beloved possession. I have saved to buy one since I first heard of it, and last year I got one. Isn't it beautiful?  
Yes, it is, Lou agreed. Who taught you to play it?  
I taught myself. I already knew how to play the trumpet, so I worked it out pretty fast. I can play the mouth organ and the flute as well. I can blow practically everything. She grinned. Well, maybe except one thing.  
The crude joke was so unlike the girl's childish behaviour that Lou asked:  
How old are you?  
  
Oh. You look older.  
Thank you.  
But you act younger.  
Thank you again! Nita said with a smile. I am in no hurry to grow up.  
  
Her smile suddenly died. A young boy was coming towards them, driving some cattle. When he spotted Nita, his mouth bent in a grin that didn't seem very kind. With his cane he forced the peaceful cows too close to the people. It was impossible for them to move.  
Hey, get your animals out of the way! shouted Lou, but the boy payed no attention to her. His eyes were focused on Nita.  
¿Qué te falta, Fernandez? he asked, very amused.  
That was when the riders realised that the girl was crying. She was pressing herself towards a wall, and her formerly lively, happy face had turned pale. There was no doubt about it; she was terrified.  
While Ike gently held Nita's shoulders, Lou turned to the boy with renewed energy.  
Now, you move your cattle, ¿comprendes? Cause if you don't, she took her gun from the holster, I'll get rid of them for you.  
The boy backed off.  
Okay, okay, he said. It's not like they're dangerous.  
He slapped his animals, and they moved, mooing in protest to the rough treatment.  
When she no longer had the cows close to her, Nita relaxed and yelled after the boy:  
¡Tú eres muy malo, Pedro Sanchez y Vela!  
The boy only laughed. Desperate to be taken seriously, Nita cried:  
¡Te maldizo!  
Pedro stiffenened. He stared at her with loathe mixed with fear.  
he snapped, and then got out of there as quickly as possible.  
With the boy gone, Nita relaxed, but this only made the tears flow more swiftly. She sank to the ground and put her hands over her nose and mouth, trying to breathe slowly. Ike had to let go of her shoulders, but sat down beside her and tried to comfort her. His hands moved slowly, so that even a person who had not learned signs should understand some. But Nita just shook her head, to exhausted to try.  
He says it's okay now, said Buck. There's nothing to be afraid of anymore.  
I know that! Her voice was irritated. There never was anything to be afraid of! Those cows don't even have horns, they can't hurt me and I'm being very, very silly! Her deep blue eyes were stern now and drying up fast. You think I don't know that? Nobody ever told me that before?  
She rose in pure anger, and then she took a deep breath and her face softened.  
I'm sorry. This is really no way of treating guests.  
She wiped the dirt off her dress and started to walk again. The riders followed, still concerned.  
Are you sure you're alright now? asked Lou kindly.  
I'm fine. Nita managed to smile a little. What really bugs me is that the little prick did it on purpose. I wish I hadn't sent Randy home. He would have told him off real good.  
Lou tried to get Nita to think of something funnier. Why did you name your dog Randy?  
I didn't, said Nita absent-minded. He told me that was his name.  
They all stared at her. He _told_ you?!  
Nita realised what she had said and a smile spread over her face.  
Actually, I dreamt it. But then when I called him Randy he listened, so I suppose it was a true dream. I'm the only one who calls him that, though. My sister says she won't rhyme with a dog - her American name is Sandy - so she calls him Bonito. And my brother Carlos, he simply calls him Gran Perro Amarillo. She realised that the words meant nothing to them, so she explained: That means Big Yellow Dog. But usually it's G.P.A. for short. And here we are.  
This came so close to the rest of her volley of words that it took them a while to realise that she meant they had reached their destination. They were entering a yard with white houses to the front and the left and a big poultry run to the right, enclosed by wire. The farm was sheltered by some cliffs and did not seem to have been much harmed by the storm. Outside the main house, the dog sat, and when he saw them coming he rushed down to Nita and barked loudly.  
¿Qué pasa?  
The door opened and a woman stepped out. She was about forty years old and obviously Nita's mother; although she was shorter and of a darker complexion the likeness was remarkable.  
Mamá, I brought some new boarders, explained the girl.  
The woman went down the steps to welcome the riders. I'm María Rosa Fernandez. Nice to meet you.  
A quick introduction followed before mrs. Fernandez turned to her daughter. Clean the rooms for them, will you? We only have two rooms, I'm afraid, she said in an apologizing tone.  
That's alright, mrs. Fernandez, we were warned about that, said Lou politely. I'm surprised you have any rooms at all.  
, said mrs Fernandez, but without continuing her sentence. Then she changed subject. So, come on in! What brings you to this part of the world?  
We're here to help some friends to a friend, said Buck. Mrs and mr Girón.  
I see.  
A strain in her voice disappeared, that they hadn't even noticed until it wasn't there anymore. She smiled at them as they followed her into a large kitchen. I suppose you will want some supper? She looked at Nita, who had followed as well. Are you still here?  
Her daughter made a very pretty, pleading face at her, but the mother just shook her head.  
Oh, no you don't. You bring people over without prior warning and it's your job to make them comfortable.  
I told Randy to tell you they were coming, said Nita, but she bowed exaggerated to the others and said: I leave you all in my mother's care.  
Then she quickly left the room. Lou stared at the girl through the window, as she was walking in the direction of the other house, and then felt forced to ask:  
Is she a little bit  
, said mrs. Fernandez with a sigh, but she likes people to think that. It makes it easier for her to get away with things.  
A loud chuckle was heard from the darkest corner of the kitchen. The riders were startled, because they hadn't noticed anybody, and turned to find an old woman sitting in a rocking-chair, peering at them. She looked just like a sun-dried raisin: small, brown and wrinkled. She yawned widely and then gave the newcomers a heartwarming, almost toothless, smile.  
¡Bienvenido atrás, mamacita! said mrs. Fernandez with a smile. ¿Has dormido a pierna suelta?  
Sí, gracias, Marosi, said the old woman. ¿Nuevos inquilinos?  
Sí. Let's see if I get this right, she turned to the riders, You I remember, you're Buck Cross. And you two she hesitated. Lou and Ike, and you were both Macsomething, but Macwhat I just don't know.  
MacCloud and MacSwain.  
That's it. And this, of course, is my mother. Her English is very poor, but I promise you she is an exception. The children are more or less bilingual.  
  



	2. The Family

Chapter 2: The Family  
  
The , as it turned out during dinner, were apart from Nita a young man and woman of about twenty. They both had Nita's heart-shaped face, dimples and rich black hair, but it seemed that she was the only one in the family with blue eyes.  
The young man, Carlos, was easy to get to know. His smiles were as frequent as Nita's and his jokes no less. Lou found him particularly pleasant, even though he confused her at one point by saying:  
I was thinking of going to town tomorrow night. There's a nice little club there called Estrella. I think you would like it. Would you like to come with me?  
Well, I wouldn't she started, but then she halted. By his words and his way of saying them she had assumed that he was making a pass at her, but now it hit her that he didn't know she was a girl. Or did he? She realised that it was impossible to read out anything from that frank, friendly face.  
His sister's stare at him was no less peculiar. She had introduced herself as Sandy, but the family seemed to prefer the name Aleja - both, of course, nicknames for Alejandra. Unlike the the others, she seemed entirely irritated by the arrival of more people. It was true that the dining-room was filled to the rim by housefolks and boarders, but that didn't trouble anyone else. While the table was surrounded by new subjects of conversation every minute, she concentrated mainly on her food. Any contribution from her part was short and in some cases almost hostile. Yet she listened carefully to what was said, and at times a smile even came to her face.  
Ike had found it difficult to assert himself in a quick conversation where few people understood what he said, so it was only natural that he would notice the other person who sat silent. To his surprise, he liked what he saw. Sandy was in no way less attractive than her brother and sister, if anything, it was the other way around. What was only babyfat in Nita was in Sandy's case round, generous shapes. Her skin was smooth and olive-brown, and her face a perfect heart with dark brown eyes and a mouth that was more than a little too big.  
Interesting view? mumbled Buck and Ike grinned when he realised he had totally lost grip of what was going on around him.  
Beautiful, he simply answered.  
Buck seemed unconvinced, and he wrinkled his nose discretely as he whispered:  
A little bit crabby, don't you think?  
Sure, but just look at her! That bosom, for one thing Ike stopped when he realised that Sandy was looking straight at him and seemed absolutely furious.  
She put her knife and fork down with a bang.  
What about it? she asked.  
Ike's chin fell down. She had understood every single word he had signed. Embarrassment fought in his mind with curiosity to find out how this could be.  
she persisted. The table was now absolutely quiet. What's so bloody amazing about my bosom that you have to bring it up as a dinner subject?  
The only answer Ike could think of was: It's pretty  
Thank you. Now stop treating me like a piece of meat!  
Mrs. Fernandez wasn't pleased with her daughter's behaviour. ¡No hace falta estar insolente!  
The women's eyes met in a battle of minds - a battle that the mother won.  
Tienes razón. Perdón.  
Mrs. Fernandez wasn't satisfied.  
¡A él!  
Sandy reluctantly turned to Ike.  
I apologize, she said, very politely but hardly heartily. I was unnecessarily rude, and it wasn't my intention.  
Confused, he accepted her apology. She nodded her head and then bent it down over her plate again, making any further effort of conversation impossible.  
  
Buck woke up in a bedroom that was slightly too small for two beds, and at first he didn't know where he was. Then the sound of the rooster's crowing made him think of the poultry run, and he recalled the day before.  
His eyes fell on a small earthenware statuette that he had barely noticed when he went to bed. He had assumed that it was a horse, but now he saw that instead of a horse's head, it had the upper body of a young woman, with her hair falling down as a long mane over her back and chest, only in part covering her bosom. He stretched out his hand and took it, watching it carefully. Then he noticed something that made him smile. The human part might be a woman, but the horse was a gelding. The person who had made the statuette obviously didn't know horses very well. Unless, of course, the ambiguity was made on purpose. The accuracy of every other detail almost made it seem that way.  
The bedclothes of the other bed moved aside, and Ike's eyes met his own. He seemed awfully tired, Buck thought, and then realised, no, not tired, but troubled.  
What's bugging you? You look like a dying duck in a thunderstorm.  
I was thinking about yesterday.  
That Sandy girl?  
Ike nodded.  
What's the big deal? She's a little shrew and she snapped at you, why are you still interested?  
She didn't snap at me. She snapped from herself.  
That really didn't make any sense whatsoever. Buck moved on: Anyway, what about Emily?  
What has Emily got to do with this?  
Buck stared at him.  
Are you kidding? You look at another girl's breasts, and when she tells you off you ponder on it all night. That definitely has something to do with Emily.  
Ike looked embarrassed.  
I love Emily very much, he hurried to explain. But I can't help what I set my eyes on.  
I'm not sure there's not more to it, mumbled Buck.  
The conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. Lou came in, fully dressed already.  
The Giróns are waiting for us outside, she said.  
Buck sat up in his bed. They had to come here just to make sure we would come to work?  
Lou grinned.  
Actually, I think they came to see mrs. Fernandez. She noticed the statuette Buck was holding. So, you've got one too, she said with a nod to the little thing.  
You have one like this?  
Let me see. She took the horsewoman from him and studied it. Well, nothing this imaginative. I have a chicken coming out of an egg.  
I wonder who made them.  
When the boys had dressed and they all went out they found Nita and mrs. Girón discussing hens while mr. Girón watched rather bored.  
Good morning, boys! he said when he noticed the riders. I hope you have slept well and are ready for a hard day's work.  
The women just looked up and said before they entered the discussion again.  
Well, tía Becky, do you like any of them in particular? asked Nita.  
How about that one?  
Mrs. Girón pointed at a rather big, brown hen.  
Nita shook her head. No, she lays too many eggs to be wasted for meat. But how about Quince? She's about the same size.  
Mrs. Girón agreed, and Nita took the chosen hen carefully in her hands and went behind the main house. When she came back, the now headless hen hung by its feet from her right hand.  
Here you go. She gave the carcass to the woman. I'm sorry it took so long, she kept flapping her wings so long.  
The older woman shuddered.  
That is one thing I can't stand about slaughtering poultry.  
What, that they keep moving afterwards? Nita smiled. It's just reflexes, nothing to get soft about.  
Oh, really! Mrs. Girón's eyes narrowed. Tell me, why do you go behind the house to kill a hen?  
Nita's smile widened, and she explained to the riders:  
I don't know if chickens get scared, but if they do, I don't want to kill one of them in front of the others. It might make them lose confidence in me.  
Thoughtful, but crazy, said mrs. Girón, and to show that she wasn't serious she caressed the girl's cheek. Then she turned to the others.  
Alright, shall we go then?  
said mr. Girón with a sigh of relief. They have been chosing forever! he complained.  
They were about to leave when Buck turned to Nita and asked:  
Who has made the statuettes in our rooms?  
She shrugged.  
Which statuettes?  
The ones in our rooms, Buck repeated.  
This made Nita raise an eyebrow.  
Yes, you said that, she said, rather amused. But which ones? What do they represent?  
er Lou's is a chicken coming out of an egg and ours is some sort of I don't know, a woman-horse kind of thing.  
A centaur, said Nita and nodded. That's Aleja's. The chicken is mine. I usually do chickens or Randy or people I know. Carlos does wild animals and his current beloved. Aleja is more talented. That centaur isn't one of her best things, though. They're all in the attic. Maybe if I coax on her she'll show them to you. Would you like that?  
  
Mr. Girón interrupted.  
This is all very interesting, but maybe we should get going. I want to get started before midday, if possible.  
  
Mr. Girón had spent many days getting timber for the house.  
I know stone would be more lasting, he said, while they were working. It sounded as if he were apologizing. But what can I do, wood is so much cheaper.  
I've seen stone houses wrecked by the storm as well, objected mrs. Girón.  
She helped out, too, with the slow house-building process. It wasn't so strange, she was actually bigger than her short but sinewy husband.  
Only one of their children had survived to grown age, they told the riders during the labour. He was a sailor on a transatlantic ship and couldn't be expected home very often. Maybe this was the reason why they were so eager to make the riders comfortable. They insisted on the riders calling them and instead of mrs. and mr. Girón, just like Nita had done in Spanish.  
Lou tried to get some information about the Fernandez family, but mrs. Girón was very unwilling to say something, and even her husband was unusually terse. Finally, mrs. Girón put down the board she was holding and turned to Lou with a grave expression in her eyes.  
I'm not willing to discuss them, she said. I'm very fond of Marosi, she pronounced it Ma Rosie, and I think she's an admirable woman. People around here are no good at minding their own business, but I'm trying. Is that clear?  
Lou was surprised at her seriousness, and didn't bring up the subject again.  
As Ike carried some timber to the future house his head suddenly started to spin, and the dizziness forced him to sit down. His side had been aching for a while, but he had tried to ignore it. The others rushed up to him to see what was wrong.  
Are you okay? asked Buck.  
I'm fine. I just need some rest.  
Buck grimaced.  
A little bit too much for you, huh?  
What's wrong? Mr. Girón seemed worried and Buck hurried to reassure him: Oh, it's nothing, really. Ike was shot pretty badly a while ago and he's still only half-recovered.  
Oh, dear! said mrs. Girón. The couple seemed shocked. Shootings was obviously not part of their lives the way it was for the riders. You have to tell us when you're feeling bad, okay? Now, maybe you should go home and lie down for a while. We'll be finished in an hour or so.  
Ike intended to protest, but realised that he didn't help anyone by playing hero, so instead he nodded his consent.  
  



	3. Sandy

Chapter 3: Sandy  
  
Sandy was leaving the house just as Ike came back, and she immediately stopped and shouted:  
Hey, come here!  
He approached, not sure what she wanted. She seemed calmer now, though, although she bit her lip when he came closer.  
Terrible way of greeting someone, I know, she said, but I have forgotten your name.  
It's Ike.  
Right. I'm Sandy.  
I know.  
Whatever. Let's get this over with. She was quickly becoming irritated again, but managed to repress it. I'm terribly sorry about yesterday. I was way out of line. You see, I was in a bad mood, and you just happened to be in the way of it.  
But you were right. I shouldn't have said those things.  
Well, men do that, don't they? she said with a wry grin. They talk about women like that when they think we're not listening or watching.  
Ike nodded, and he began to see the humourous in the situation.  
We're kind of terrible in that way. I only meant that I think you're very beautiful.  
Her face got strained. Which brings me to another subject. She silenced so long that he was starting to wonder if that was his cue, before she blurted out in an almost hostile way: I don't date. Ever. I mean it.  
It would have been funny if she hasn't been so dead serious. Still Ike couldn't help smiling as he answered:  
That's okay, I already have a girlfriend.  
You do!? The relief was obvious. A warm smile spread over her face. You don't want to go out with me then? God, what a relief! Then her face turned blood-red. That didn't come out very well, did it? I'm sorry. The stress is on don't, not you. You understand that, don't you?  
He nodded, very amused. When she wasn't angry she resembled her sister a lot more, even though the age difference was still obvious.  
Well, then that's sorted out. Then a thought struck her. What are you doing here alone, so soon?  
I got tired. I have an injury that's healing, and I needed some rest.  
Oh, I'm sorry. Her face got troubled. Do you want me to keep you company?  
He shook his head.  
Are you sure?  
You were going somewhere.  
Yeah, well, the graveyard. I think it can do without me.  
Now it was his turn to get compassionate. Is it your father's grave you go to?  
My father's? She found the question very funny and shook her head. My father isn't dead. He lives in San Diego with a woman called Lola, a widow with two daughters. They're twins, but not identical. Their names are Pilar and Conchita, and they're very nice. Anything else you want to know?  
He didn't know what to answer to that. Now she actually laughed a bit.  
If you're curious, you can just ask. If you step on any toes I'll definitely let you know.  
Mrs. Girón - aunt Becky - seemed to think that it was better the less we said about your family.  
Sandy got serious again.  
Tía Becky is very nice, but she's got it all wrong. Keeping things like that hushed up just makes them seem bigger. Sure I have secrets I don't tell people, but my parents' divorce isn't one of them.  
Her frankness made Ike dare to ask:  
Why did they split up?  
She sighed, and it took a few seconds before she answered, but not because she minded the question.  
My sister Pepita died when she was six, and papá took it pretty badly. Well, I suppose there's no good way of taking a sudden and unpleasant death, but things got pretty awful around here. Mamá tried to keep things together and papá just turtled. Their marriage couldn't survive it. Apparently, that happens to lots of people. So it's Pepita's grave I'm going to. She looked inquiringly at him. What about you? Any tragical sceletons in your closet?  
When she asked him like that it somehow didn't hurt to think about it. He sat down and told her about himself and his life. When he had finished, she whistled thoughtfully.  
So, to sum up: family brutally murdered, bullied at the orphanage, lovelife only recently shaped up, strange tendency to get in the way of bullets - and a handicap to spice it all up. She shook her head disbelievingly, and her eyes glittered. Your life is way worse than mine!  
Thank you so much.  
Her attitude was somewhat confusing. She realised this and explained:  
Well, I can't very well feel sorry for you when you don't seem to feel sorry for yourself. Besides, a very good friend of mine says that pity does more good for the one who feels it than the one exposed to it. Therefore self-pity is the only decent kind. In all other cases you should just try and be there. So, I'm here alright. I plan to leave, but you can come with me if you like.  
The moment she had said this, she looked surprised at her own words, and Ike hurried to answer: I don't want to intrude.  
She shook her head, frowning - at him or at herself he didn't know. If I thought you did, I never would have asked you. I'll just sit there for a while. It's a pretty place.  
  
It was in truth a pretty place, and Ike found that it was in no way uncomfortable to sit there while the young girl tended the grave. A little bit sad, maybe, to see the small cross with the words: Aquí yace María Josefa Fernandez, 1844-1850. Nuestra niña valiente, but after all, it had been a long time. And Sandy hardly seemed about to start crying. On the contrary, she looked quite cheerful as she rose.  
Do you want to go home? Or should we blaspheme this place with wordly conversation? she said with a smile.  
He shrugged, less interested in which than in how different she seemed now.  
Am I to make all the choices? Very well, then, we'll stay here.  
She sat down beside him and then immediately seemed to regret doing so, because she moved a bit away and buried her hands in her lap, suddenly unfriendly again. Ike's speeding pulse made him realise what the matter was with her, and he asked:  
Do you always get angry when you're nervous?  
Is it that obvious? she said, amazed. You should see me when I'm really scared. Then I shouldn't be anywear near other people.  
But at least you're not afraid of me.  
Not at the moment, she said with a grin.  
Not since I said I don't want to go out with you.  
The grin disappeared from her face, and Ike regretted that he had mentioned it. He also wanted to get rid of that little treacherous voice in his head that kept saying but you do. He didn't. He had Emily.  
Her silence was getting so uncomfortable that he wildly searched his mind for a safe subject. What he found was the question that had been bugging him for a long time.  
How come you know signs?  
It seemed to be a good ice-breaker, because she seemed quite as ease when she answered:  
I knew you'd come to that sooner or later! My boss made me learn it, in case I ran into some Indians. It's not a skill I've had to use a lot, though. Well, until now.  
He was intrigued. Boss? What do you work with?  
I'm a reporter. You don't have to look so surprised! I work for an experimental paper in Chicago, which has the unusual practice to hire anyone who will do a good job. They're also very generous with letting you work from a distance if your home town has been destroyed by a storm and you want a few weeks to check on your folks. Anyway, when I was new at the job I felt quite awkward, which of course meant that I was a nuisance to everyone. So Pierce - that's the editor - called me into his office and asked me if I knew any Indian languages. When I said no he told me to learn one. Signs seemed to be the most useful one.  
She looked thoughtful.  
At first I was offended, she explained. I figured he looked at me as the closest thing to an Indian, and not that there's anything wrong with that, but Nita calls us 'mutts', and I think there's pride in being a little bit of everything. My mother's part of the family tree is full of aztecas, but I believe that if you just checked the branches closely you'd find I have ancestors from every part of the world. When I knew Pierce better I realised that he simply wanted to give me so much work I would forget about my exposed position and start giving people a break.  
Were you that terrible, then?  
Oh, worse! Much worse! My roommate, Lena, used to stay out all night just so she wouldn't run in to me. His amusement made her frown, pretending to be offended. Mind you, that wasn't only my fault, she's kind of hard to get used to herself.  
She was so pretty when she said this that he couldn't help leaning over to kiss her. She moved aside with surprising quickness and rose to her feet.  
What's her name? she asked. When he didn't seem to understand she continued: Your girlfriend. What's her name?  
He felt through his pockets for something to write with and found a small stump of a pencil, but no paper. He scribbled on the stone wall they were sitting on.  
Aha. Well, maybe you should think a little bit more about Emily and a little bit less about me.  
She started to walk away from the graveyard and he followed her. She waved away his attempts to apologize.  
Forget it. I should have known better. Listen, you seem like a very nice guy, but if you're going to make a pass at me every time I relax we ought to stop this right now. It's not because of Emily. Apparently you can't keep things on a friendship level, so we shouldn't meet alone. It's a shame though, up to now I had a really great time.  
She wasn't yelling. She wasn't angry. But that only made everything worse, because she meant it.  
  
You never gave me an answer about the Estrella thing, Carlos reminded Lou when she came home that evening.  
I don't know really. She tried to stall him. Was he flirting with her? And what if he was? Sure, she and Kid were on a break, so it wouldn't be like cheating on him, but would it be fair to Carlos? If she only knew whether or not he knew that she was a girl. You don't think we could do it some other time? We'll be here for a few weeks.  
Okay, a raincheck then. His eyes were teasing her although the rest of his face was serious. But I won't let you get away another time.  
Carlos went inside the main house, where he found Sandy waiting by the window. She didn't look to happy about what she had just witnessed, and made sure to talk to him in private.  
Are you crazy? she asked.  
What do you mean? Carlos looked completely innocent, and his sister snapped:  
You know damn well what I mean! You're flirting with Lou, aren't you?  
What if I were? His eyes were serious now.  
Out there, where everyone can see it! It's outrageous!  
Oh, look who's talking! What have you been doing with Ike, then?  
I'm not flirting with him!  
No, you're pulling him towards you with one hand and pushing him away with the other. That's what I call repulsive!  
How dare you condemn me! At least Ike is of the opposite sex!  
She had raised her voice but quickly lowered it again, grateful that they had kept the quarrel in English. Then the elderly living there wouldn't understand.  
Lou's a girl, Carlos said very calmly.  
  
She's a girl. Take a good look at that cute little bottom. It belongs to a girl alright, I can see the difference.  
Really? I'm amazed.  
Oh, don't give me that!  
She turned away from him, and when he tried to put a hand on her shoulder she shook it off.  
, he said, softly. I'm worried about you. Don't you think this game you have been playing has lasted long enough?  
It's not a game.  
Whatever it is. You're a strong girl, and I know you can take care of yourself, but everyone's a lot better of with someone to love. Man or woman, he added with a provoking smile. I think mamá hoped you would find someone in Chicago, but you never did.  
I don't want anyone.  
Just because you never try. Why can't you admit that you're attracted to this guy, that you were flattered when he noticed you?  
I'm not. I wasn't.  
Oh, come on, you could never fool me. Not even with Duncan.  
Her face was filled with pain, and he wished she would cry, just to get it out of her system. But she didn't.  
Admit that you want him, he persisted.  
I don't, okay? I don't want any man to do that She silenced, and he felt so sorry for her he almost couldn't stand it.  
'That' can be a wonderful thing.  
Not for me. She was so certain. And besides, he has a girlfriend.  
Carlos lent very close to her and whispered:  
A little infidelity never hurt anyone.  
You are so awful! But her features lightened up and she actually laughed. I don't understand how you can be my brother.  
  



	4. The Gallery

Chapter 4: The Gallery  
  
Hard work for everyone was the main reason why it took a couple of days before Buck remembered to remind Nita about the statuettes.  
Oh, right! she said when he told her. We'll ask her immediately. Come on!  
Unfortunately, Sandy said no flat.  
Oh, come on, Aleja! Nita pleaded. They're so beautiful, it's your best work!  
It's also very personal! She looked at Buck with knitted eyebrows. Is it just you or did you all want to see it?  
All of us, I think, he replied.  
Oh, marvellous! Nita, forget it. I'm not going to guide three complete strangers through my head. What do you want me to do next? Publish my diary?  
Nita looked interested.  
I didn't know you had a diary!  
I don't.  
Blue eyes met brown. Then Nita said:  
Well, you don't have to guide them. I'll show them, if you just give me the key.  
Sandy looked doubtful.  
If you show them they won't understand anything.  
So? It's still your best work.  
Sandy complained. She turned to Buck. We're talking about stuff that I made when I was extremely unhappy.  
I'm sorry  
Buck felt ashamed and looked at Nita to see what she meant to do.  
That's why they're so good, said Nita simply.  
You just won't give up, will you? Alright, take the stupid key! If they don't understand it I suppose it can do no harm.  
  
Are you sure about this? Buck asked when Nita had put up the ladder to the attic and was trying to get the padlock open.  
Don't be silly, of course I'm sure, she said and swung the lid open. Who has the lamp? Thank you, Lou. Oh! she said when she entered the attic. It's still quite bright in here, I'm not sure we're going to need it. Still, if you want to look closer at something  
She lit the lamp, and meanwhile the others got in as well. Looking around at the paintings and statuettes, they felt a bit shocked. Buck's eyes fell on a bust of a woman transforming into a werewolf and he took a step backwards.  
That's my favourite, said Nita who saw what he was looking at. It looks so real. Not only the teeth and the fur, but the horror in her face. I mean, if you're not prepared for it, it must be pretty scary to become a werewolf.  
It's awful, said Buck in a low voice.  
He hurried to turn his face away from the creature and found to his relief a painting that wasn't too bad. It showed a square full of people, but when you looked closer you found that none of them had shadows. The only one who had a shadow was a black silhouette of a man, a shadow in himself. His shadow was almost impossible to see among all the feet, a blue, shrunken little thing with a red dot all over its bosom. He didn't get the picture one bit, but at least it wasn't scary.  
Take a look at this, said Lou. She looked as if she was about to get sick.  
They gathered around her.  
'Venus of America', said Nita.  
She's got no arms!  
No, it's a variant of the 'Venus de Milo' statue. That one is broken, it has no arms.  
But this doesn't look broken, objected Lou. It looks like someone cut them off. It's disgusting.  
The boys had to agree with her. It wasn't so much the lack of arms as how pathetic she looked. She was naked, but not in an attractive sense. She crouched over her body as if she tried to hide it. By her feet there was a piece of cloth lying in disorder, and her face was turned towards it, longing to pick it up. It made them want to take the cloth and wrap it around her.  
Poor girl signed Ike. He wondered why Sandy had made these things. The centaur had been pretty. This was well-made, but unpleasant.  
Buck stared at the statuette.  
You know, Nita, I'm beginning to see your point, he said. She's got a certain desperation that I've seen in other women. Wounded women. He silenced for a second. I think you're right, Lou. Someone did that to her, it wasn't just the clay breaking by accident. He turned to Nita, and there was fierceness in his eyes. Who is she? he demanded.  
Who she is? Nita raised an eyebrow. Who's the werewolf for that matter? Or 'ready to burst' over there? She nodded towards a ball-shaped woman with hands, feet and head barely visible. Do you really think there's some girl walking around in this world with no arms, and that Sandy happened to find her and decided to portrait her? It's all from her head.  
She waved them towards the next piece of art, a painting.  
This is 'Lady Frankenstein'. She doesn't like it much herself, and I think I agree with her. It's basically just horror effects without feeling. And this is 'the evil eye', and this one is 'devil'.  
They stopped at one piece at a time, looked at it, commented it and moved on. When they got to 'devil' Ike frowned. Next to all the distortion and torment, this looked offensively ordinary. It was simply a very small statuette of a young girl whose skirt was disordered by the wind. She tried to keep her skirt down with her hands, but it still fluttered a bit. There was nothing diabolic about her.  
Why is it called 'devil'? Ike asked.  
Nita guessed his question and smiled.  
You don't get it? Look closer!  
In doing so, at first he found nothing, then he saw that the girl wasn't trying to get tidied up at all. She was covering her feet, because they were goat's feet.  
You see it? Nita was delighted.  
He nodded.  
It's so hard to find, isn't it! Subtle It's an early one.  
Nita kept talking, but Ike hardly listened. A chill went down his spine. He recalled a nightmare he had dreamed many months ago, in which he had grown a horse's tail. That dream would have fit right in here. Nita had said it's all from her head, but even if the shapes were make believe, the expressions weren't. No more than his dream had been. But the alternative, that all this was real, made him lose his breath, and his lips went dry.  
Are you guys still up there?  
Carlos' head was seen in the opening. Lou gave a cry, which made him laugh.  
Did I scare you, little one? he asked and climbed up. He turned to Nita. Mr. Hamilton wants to play whist, are you game?  
Nita moaned. I'm so bad at it! I suppose you don't play? she asked the riders hopefully.  
Lou shook her head.  
I think they're more the rough, mean poker kind of guys, joked Carlos.  
Nita sighed.  
Alright, I'm game.  
As they went down, Carlos asked:  
So, how did you like the P.T. Barnum Gallery?  
Sandy stood by the end of the ladder, and she certainly didn't seem to like his comment. She waited for Nita to lock the lid and then reached out her hand. Can I have the key back, please?  
That was pretty heavy stuff, Buck said to her.  
It was among the most awful things I have seen in my life, Lou filled in.  
Lucky you, said Sandy dryly.  
But it was good anyway, Lou hurried to add.  
Sandy's eyes turned to Ike almost automatically, to get his judgement. But he didn't say what he thought of the strange exhibition. Instead, he asked:  
When did you make those things?  
A few years ago. She seemed unwilling to say more.  
And the centaur?  
Last spring.  
He nodded, relieved.  
So you have come to terms with it, then?  
It was a long shot, he didn't even know what might be, but Sandy stared at him, startled.  
Yes. I guess so.  
Aleja? Are you coming?  
Her siblings were already halfway through the room, and Sandy nodded.  
Just a minute.  
She put her hand on Ike's arm to prevent him from leaving.  
  
Her eyes fell on the other riders.  
We ought to get going, said Buck when he saw her glance. Ike, you Whenever you're finished.  
Ike nodded and waited until they had left until he got back to Sandy. Her face was so shocked that he softly stroke her chin with his finger.  
Dont touch me! She took a step backwards. How did you know? What did Nita tell you?  
Nothing. I don't really know anything, except that those pictures didn't come out of the blue. He stopped, uncertain of whether or not he should tell her the rest, and then decided to do so. In a way, you could say I recognized them. Especially the one you called 'devil'. It reminded me of a nightmare I had once. That didn't come out of the blue either, it meant something.  
All colour disappeared from her face.  
A nightmare?  
Yes. Were they nightmares, too?  
Some of them. She was in pain, but curiosity took over, made her demand: Tell me your nightmare.  
He told her. It had been such a long time since he thought about it, but he could still feel the sweat breaking out by his nose.  
She turned away from him, shook her head as she breathed into the palms of her hands.  
And yet I used to think I was the only one  
He took hold of her shoulders and turned her towards him.  
I know what it takes to get that miserable. What happened to you?  
Cut it out! Her voice was harsh, and it soon rose to yelling. Who do you think you are, crashing into my life and bringing up everything I want to forget? Why are you doing it? Is it just some strange way of flirting for you? I never would have let you in if I had known  
She looked him straight in the eyes and her voice was hoarse when she said:  
Do us both a favour. Stay away from me. Go live happily ever after with that girl of yours.  
She didn't give him any chance to answer that. Without another glance at him she turned and left.  
  



	5. Conversations

Chapter 5: Conversations  
  
Will you just get over it?  
Buck was very irritated that night. The rain was pouring down and he hadn't had time to get out of his wet clothes until now.  
I mean, I just don't get it, he said. Why are so obsessed with her? You've never been this pushy about any girl before. Usually, we have make you go for it. Is it just because she doesn't want you? Come on, you're smarter than that.  
I think she's been hurt signed Ike thoughtfully. I just want to know what happened.  
Oh, so to satisfy your curiosity you have to bother some poor girl who really just wants to be left alone? Buck sounded very sarcastic. Or is it pity? Some kind of hero complex? You feel sorry for her and you want to protect her, is that it? That didn't work out very well last time, did it?  
How come you don't like Sandy?  
I do like her. When she's not a complete cat she's quite a likeable person. But I think you're right, I think she has been hurt. I just don't realise why you're so eager to hurt her again.  
He looked firmly at his friend.  
Girón's house is half done now. In a couple of weeks we will be going home. Now, you know as well as I do that you're not willing to waste what you have with Emily over some quick fling. His look sharpened. Are you?  
No. I love Emily. I've never been happier than I am with her. But He shook his head, uncertain of what to say. Finally he asked: Do you think it's possible to love two women at the same time?  
You don't love Sandy, Ike. She's a pretty girl, so you're attracted to her. Maybe you're even in love with her, this damsel in distress business seems to have hit you pretty hard. But it's not love. You don't even know her.  
I want to know her. It has nothing to do with damsels in distress. I like her much better when she's happy.  
Then why don't you make her happy? Stop flirting with her, stop bringing up subjects she doesn't want to discuss, keep everything on a friendship level, take cold showers every night and think about Emily. Buck grinned, and Ike couldn't help grinning back.  
You make it sound so easy.  
It is easy. If you didn't have Emily, or if Sandy was more encouraging, this would make sense. But the way things are, you're just fretting over nothing.  
  
Lou had answered to the knock on the door and let Sandy in.  
I heard your ceiling was leaking. We can't do anyhing about it until tomorrow, but here are some pots anyway. Do you want me to help you move the bed?  
Thank you, that would be wonderful.  
Bits of conversation was heard from the other room. Sandy stopped by the foot of the bed and listened.  
These walls are too thin, she said with a grimace, keeping her own voice low. Somebody ought to tell them.  
Do you want me to Lou asked, but Sandy shook her head.  
Naa, they're talking about me, I have a right to hear it, don't you think? She grinned at Lou, and then lifted her side of the bed. Are you ready?  
When they had carried the bed to a dry spot, Sandy sat down on it and took a deep breath.  
That bed is too heavy for a boarding room. She motioned for Lou to sit down too, and studied her so thoroughly that Lou began to turn uneasily.  
You know, I'm not all that complicated, Sandy said. Most of the time I'm fine. I've had my share of problems, but I've sorted them out. It's just my lovelife that's screwed up. But I guess that goes for you too.  
She met Lou's eyes.  
Do they even know you're a girl?  
Lou couldnt hide how surprised she got. How did you know?  
Carlos told me. He had seen it right away. I suspect that Nita knows it as well. There is no lying to that girl. But I myself was completely fooled. She laughed, and looked at Lou with great curiosity. I hope you don't mind me asking, but  
Why? I needed the work, and to get it I had to be a man. The station manager knows now, but he thought it best if I was a boy here. He seemed to be afraid that uncle Alonzo would tell the firm.  
He would, too, Sandy said. He is the most indiscrete man I've ever met, apart from the real gossipers. If Ike wants the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth he should ask tío Alonzo some time when tía Becky isn't there to shut him up. I hope he doesn't, though. It's not nice to have your personal life exposed to strangers.  
No, it isn't, Lou agreed.  
Sandy got a worried expression.  
Oh, sorry Did you mind that we found out about you?  
No! No, not at all. Actually, it's quite comforting to hear. I have been wondering all this time if Carlos is flirting with me. At least now I know that he is.  
Sandy rubbed her nose. She seemed a bit embarrassed. You know, it wouldn't make any difference. Carlos likes men and women equally.  
You're kidding! Lou was shocked. That nice, charming young man  
He's not a libertine or anything, Sandy hurried to assure her. He's serious enough when it comes to love. Not as serious as I am, maybe, but then again, few people are. He says that souls and beauty have no gender, and I've known him to have serious crushes on both men and women. Estrella is a place for pederasts. Not a brothel or something like that, only somewhere they can feel at home, where nobody will condemn them.  
Lou stared at her, stunned.  
You're not pulling my leg?  
Certainly not.  
And this is the sort of thing you don't mind telling people. Lou shook her head. I don't think I even want to hear your secrets.  
  
You know, old mr. Hamilton said at Sunday dinner, now that the rain has stopped the air seems cleaner sometimes. Purer!  
Maybe it is, said mrs. Fernandez. Spring cleaning in the sky! She smiled at her boarder to show that she wasn't making fun of him.  
It is actually quite lovely weather today, he said, almost accusatory, turning to Nita.  
, she agreed with him. It is.  
And it's Sunday too.  
She didn't quite know what he was getting at.  
So what I don't undrestand is why you youngsters don't have a nice little picnic in the open.  
Nita lit up. You know, that's a wonderful idea! Can we? she asked her mother.  
You're certainly old enough to have picnics without asking me first.  
Can we come? Lou asked.  
Of course! Nita was getting quite excited. Don't you think it's a good idea? She pleaded her siblings to consent.  
Well, I want to go, said Carlos. How about you, Aleja?  
Sandy nodded.  
If you're going I'm going. I'm not going to be stuck alone here.  
Isn't this great? Nita could hardly sit still on her chair. I'll ask Ramón if he wants to come, too.  
Hold it! Carlos objected. Who said you could bring your boyfriend?  
Eww! He's not my boyfriend!  
Oh, come on, Carlos, let her have a playmate with her, Sandy said.  
And he's not that either! Nothing could bring Nita down right now, she was like a fiveyearold at a birthday party. Still a cloud came over her face when she asked Ike: Will you mind terribly if I bring Randy?  
He shook his head, and explained slowly:  
Not if you keep him at a distance from me.  
She caught on. Okay, I will! Not a problem!  
Ike's eyes met Sandy's, and he paraphrased Nita's question.  
Will you mind terribly if I bring myself?  
She couldn't help but laughing and shook her head.  
So, where should we go? she then asked Carlos. To the valley by the pond?  
We could, he admitted, but we could also go to another place.  
A smile spread over her face.  
Another place? Maybe.  
I saw a nice little meadow just south of town said mr. Hamilton and pierced a potato. It had little white flowers growing all over it. Very nice.  
The entire Fernandez family suddenly looked ready to burst with laughter.  
Why, I'm sure we would enjoy the company, said Carlos, who managed to keep his face somewhat serious.  
This made Nita giggle helplessly. Mr. Hamilton looked surprised.  
Was there something wrong with my suggestion?  
That is the place for the old gallows, mrs. Fernandez explained. It isn't used anymore, but it's hardly the ideal place for a picnic.  
It's haunted, Nita said.  
Quite a few eyes turned to her, but she was unaffected. It is, she assured them. I slept there once, I should know.  
Isn't it possible that you were dreaming? someone suggested.  
Nita shrugged.  
I don't think so. But even if I was, what's the difference?  
You don't know the difference between dreams and reality? Lou asked.  
Nita shook her head, somewhat irritated.  
That's not a meaningful division, she said. Either ghosts are real or they're not. If they're real, which I happen to believe they are, it doesn't matter if I'm asleep or awake. If they're not real I imagined everything. Then I can agree it matters if I was asleep or not, because if I was awake one possible explanation would be that I'm crazy. But my condition of consciousness, or even my mental health, has nothing to do with the existance of ghosts.  
Happy to have made her point, she returned to her meal. Everyone else seemed quite baffled.  
Where did you learn to use words like 'condition of consciousness'? Carlos asked. Or even to argue like that?  
She shrugged. It's true, isn't it? I'm right?  
Of course you're right, he said. And I personally think you're crazy. On the other hand, I also think Aleja is crazy. I even have a strong suspicion that I'm crazy myself. What do you think? he asked Lou.  
I definitely think you're crazy, she answered. And I think we should get started with that picnic.  
  



	6. A Picnic Goes Wrong

Chapter 6: A Picnic Goes Wrong  
  
The valley by the pond was, as you could expect, moist.  
I think 'another place' would be more appropriate, Sandy said and smiled at her brother.  
What is all this talk about another place? Lou asked. Seems to me you're talking about some place in particular.  
Of course we are, Carlos said. Señora Coatl's barn, to be precise.  
A barn? Lou sounded doubtful, and the locals laughed.  
Just wait and see, Nita said. It's a bit of a walk, but well worth the trouble.  
She started to walk away from the valley, and the others followed her.  
Are you sure we should go there? It was Nita's friend Ramón who decided to join the conversation. After all, she is  
A witch? Carlos smiled teasingly at the younger boy, who rolled his eyes and said:  
Oh, absolutely. I was thinking more in the line of 'not too fond of people.'  
We always went there when we were kids, Sandy said.  
Sure, but kids are different. I never heard of her accepting grown men.  
Don't flatter yourself, Ramón.  
Maybe this isn't such a good idea, said Buck. I mean, it's her barn after all, and if she wants to be left alone we may not want to insist to have a picnic in it.  
On it, not in it, said Nita. And you don't have to worry, she won't kick us out. Not when we have Randy with us. She loves Randy, doesn't she, boy? She cuddled the pooch to show that she wholeheartedly agreed with the old woman.  
Sandy stopped short and looked searchingly at her little sister.  
You have been visiting her, haven't you?  
Nita grinned.  
We witches have to stick together!  
Buck was beginning to feel uncomfortable. The careless jokes about ghosts had been bad enough, but after all, everyone told silly ghost stories. Not everyone called themselves a witch.  
Ike's thought seemed to go in a similar direction, because he asked:  
Why is the señora said to be a witch?  
The usual reasons, said Sandy dryly. She is a nutty old woman who keeps to herself, lives in a house built into a mountain far away from everyone else, talks to animals and grows her own herbs. Obvious evidence, don't you think?  
The riders were uncomfortable by her mean tone, but Nita laughed so she couldn't stand straight.  
You know as well as I do that she wants people to believe that so they won't bother her. You don't have to sound like she's some kind of martyr. She maintains their prejudice on purpose - just like someone else I could mention Her face got mischievous.  
Oh, shame on you.  
  
This kind of talking kept their pace up so it didn't feel like such a long time before they reached the mountain where señora Coátl's house was set.  
said Nita and pointed. The house is half inside that cave. It's very smart, coming to think of it, because she can't have had any trouble with the storm. And over there is the barn, with that flat, projecting cliff as a roof. We will sit on top of that cliff. There is usually a ladder leaning towards it.  
But there was no ladder now. Sandy shot Carlos a glance. She looked slightly concerned.  
What on earth She took a few quick steps down the slope, and then she stopped.  
Now, hold on. Who are those people?  
About half a dozen men were standing in front of the house. Sandy motioned for the others to be quiet.  
Something must be wrong, she mumbled.  
There's no need to jump to conclusion, Lou pointed out. They could be friends of hers.  
There was noticeable contempt in her voice. Some of them are anglos.  
Well, some of us are, too, said Carlos and joined his sister. No, I think you're right. Something's wrong.  
No me gusta esto, said Nita, so worried she returned to Spanish.  
Me tampoco, hermanita, said her brother, and then: I think one of the men is Mateo Sanchez y Vela.  
That does it! Sandy rose to a straight position and threw all caution to the winds. I'm going to find out what those creeps are doing here if it's the last thing I do.  
She was halfway through the yard before the men had time to react. When they did, the youths suddenly found themselves at the aim of half a dozen guns.  
Seems that it just might be, Carlos muttered.  
  
The riders realised with horror that none of them had found it necessary to bring their own guns. Buck started to move for his knife but soon changed his mind when a two-barrel rifle was pointed in his direction.  
Hold it right there! the man holding the gun hollered. Then he turned to another of the men, without lowering his gun for one second. What's all this, Vallejo? I thought you said nobody ever comes here.  
Vallejo whispered something to the man - a tall, bossy anglo who simply shook his head in irritation.  
I'll have no more of this witchcraft talk! Who are these people? Who are you? he demanded and riveted his eyes on the closest youth, which happened to be Ramón. The boy blushed in fear and embarrasment, but tried to sound brave.  
We came to have a picnic, he said. He realised it sounded very little awe-inspiring and continued: Where is señora Coátl? I demand that you tell what you have done with her!  
The leader laughed.  
You're in no position to demand anything, sonny, he said. He appeared to have lost interest in them now. Sanchez, Vallejo, this mess is your fault, so you fix it. Get rid of these clowns. The men looked so horrified that he sighed. Alright, Lefaivre, help them out, will you.  
Fine with me, Caldwell, said the man called Lefaivre.  
The leader, Caldwell, started to walk towards the house, when Sanchez cleared his throat and said:  
You're not suggesting that we kill them, are you? Killing was never part of the deal.  
Sanchez my friend, said Caldwell softly. You'll never go far if you can't adapt to changes. But by all means, if you can shut them up without killing them that's fine with me.  
He brought two men with him into the house, which evened the odds a little for our heroes. Not that it mattered much, for three men with guns still have a certain advantage over seven unarmed people.  
Are you going to kill us? asked Ramón. He was no coward, but he had never been at the receiving end of a bullet and had no wish to alter that fact.  
That would be the easiest way out, kid, Lafaivre said with a tiny smile.  
We were promised no one would get hurt, Sanchez objected.  
You're a gutless shit and you always were! Sandy raged with contempt at the man.  
He immediately cocked his gun and pointed it in her face.  
Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!  
Ike stared at her and shook his head. Never provoke a man with a gun pointing at you he signed.  
Sandy shrugged. Her contempt for Mateo Sanchez was genuine, but the loaded gun frightened her, and she didn't like being frightened.  
Ike's signing had caught Vallejo's interest.  
What's he up to? he asked.  
He's our serving wizard, said Sandy with a mild voice. He's bringing down demons that will eat your soul away. We were going to have a witches' mass here, but you guys interrupted us. She smiled sweetly, and Vallejo involuntarily took a step backwards.  
Jesus Christ! muttered Lefaivre. Bringing in locals had been necessary, but what was the use with a man who refused to shed blood or another who made sound like the understatement of the year? Pretty soon the prisoners would lose respect in them all, and then where would they be? Okay then, he said. If we don't kill them, what do you suggest we do with them?  
We could tie them up and keep them in the house, said Sanchez.  
Lefaivre grinned.  
Now, has nobody ever told you not to arm an enemy if you can avoid it?  
, said Sanchez, straightening up and trying to be dignified, how about the barn?  
Lefaivre thought about it. Keeping these people hostage in the barn would be a lot of trouble. They would need food and people to guard them. But killing a man who was shooting at him was one thing, that he had done before. These people were unarmed, and two of them were really just kids. And it wasn't like it would be for such a long time either. They would be leaving soon, and after that it didn't matter what happened to these people. they could run away or starve to death for all he cared.  
, he agreed. Come on then, let's get on with it.  
None of the prisoners objected to the treatment when the men led them to the barn. They were only too grateful not to have been killed. But Randy growled. He was a one person's dog, and even if he didn't understand much of what was going on he knew Nita had to be protected. She put a comforting hand on his back, but when Sanchez anxiously tried to poke him in the right direction he showed his teeth, ready to attack.  
Nita grabbed his fur, holding him back, as eager to protect him as he was to protect her. At the same second, a shot went off from Sanchez' gun. The girl stumbled and fell to the ground.  
  



	7. In The Barn

Chapter 7: In the Barn   
  
The dog immediately forgot all about his enemy to make sure his mistress was alright. Her hand caressed his nose and he licked it gently, happy to find her alive.  
I aimed at the dog! I swear I did! Sanchez yelled in panic.  
¡Hijo de puta! Nita snapped, and then her eyes filled with pain. she moaned.  
Buck knelt beside her, and found that the bullet had hit in her thigh near the hip. It had torn the flesh, but didn't seem to have hurt the bone badly - fortunately, it wasn't exactly a bony thigh.  
You're alive, little one, that's what matters, he said softly. He didn't know what made this peculiar teenager so important, but he was most grateful that she wasn't worse off.  
Yeah, well, I don't have any inner organs in my leg, she bashed him.  
No, but arteries, and this came damn close to a big one. He looked up at Sanchez with dark, accusing eyes.  
I was aiming for the dog, the man repeated.  
Okay, enough of this! Lefaivre said, taking control of the situation. He tried to ignore the furious comments delivered by Nita's siblings, and his eyes met Buck's without any sign of concern.  
Is she alright, then?  
She'll live.  
Then lift her up and go inside. Slowly. No sudden moves. Oh, and another thing.  
He bent down to Buck's feet and pulled the knife from his boot.  
I'll take care of this one.  
As they all moved inside the barn, one of the other men joined them from the house.  
What are you doing? he asked.  
Saint Francis of Assissi over there didn't want to kill anyone, Lefaivre said sarcastically, so it seems we have to do some babysitting.  
The man's eyes wandered over the place and stopped on Nita.  
What happened to her? he asked. We heard a gunshot  
Saint Francis again. He doesn't seem to be able to live up to his own theories.  
Could you get us some rope? Sanchez asked.  
Tie them? The man seemed unwilling. That means we would have to tend to them everytime they need to eat or take a crap. Look at those walls. Think they're going somewhere?  
The walls were indeed powerful, partly made of the rock itself and partly of thick, massive oak. Near the roof on a wooden wall there was a window to let the air in, maybe eight inches in each direction. Apart from the door, that was all.  
You can't tie a witch, Vallejo mumbled. They break loose from any human snare.  
Well, in that case you can't lock them up either and everything we do is pointless, Lefaivre said rather irritably. You're right, Maynard. If we lock the door and keep some people outside, that should be enough. Jesus, what a mess!  
They let action follow the words and soon the prisoners found themselves alone.  
  
I don't get it, Sandy said when she had taken a look around. They didn't want to kill us, but they must have killed señora Coátl. If they didn't, where is she? And where are the animals?  
They probably killed them for food, Carlos said.  
That's not all, said Lou. What are they doing here? It's obviously something illegal, and yet they seem so unprofessional. They didn't want to kill us, they didn't want to tie us up, and they hadn't even counted on anyone coming here.  
Nobody ever comes here, Ramón said, and then he silenced when he realised what that meant for the lot of them.  
And nobody knows that we're here, said Sandy angrily. she cursed.  
They're gun smugglers.  
Nita's voice was low. Buck was dressing her wound, and even though he was careful it caused some pain. He stopped at her words and looked at her closely.  
How do you know?  
I don't remember. I just know.  
Ike nodded thoughtfully.  
That makes sense he signed. That's the sort of thing people would do for money. People who had never done anything like it before and certainly never had killed anyone.  
Great, then we know that, Sandy snapped and started walking around the little room, drumming her hands against the walls.  
Stop that, you're making me nervous, Carlos said.  
Buck still looked at Nita, and he felt a bit cold.  
How does she know that sort of things? he asked her siblings.  
Carlos slowly got a big smile over his worried face.  
I think Buck is affected by all this talking of witches, he said. And then: Aleja, if you don't stop that I'm gonna break your arms, and I mean it.  
Sandy let her arms fall down and sighed deeply.  
, Carlos said to Buck, don't let our jokes get to you. Nita notices things, and afterwards she can't always tell what it is. That's all. As for the ghosts she sees, he raised his arms and shrugged, who knows? Maybe she's just a bit dotty. We've got other things to worry about.  
Randy had moved to the door, and now he stood scratching it with his front paws, whining.  
Oh, God, I hope he doesn't have to 'go', Sandy said with disgust. I just love the thought of dog shit to add to the appeal of this place.  
We will all have to 'go' sooner or later, her brother said softly. This isn't a picnic anymore.  
  
After a few hours, they all calmed down. There was no way of getting out, and it could have been much worse after all. They were all alive, and even Nita didn't appear to hurt more than she could stand. But Buck hadn't been able to remove the bullet, and that might cause some trouble later on. If there was to be a later on.  
The riders, having been in this kind of situations before, wasted no time on emotions. They used as much energy as possible to think of a way out. The others were so exhausted from being flung between hope and despair, courage and fear, they sat quiet. Sandy's rest was the rest of a predator waiting for prey. When Vallejo entered carrying a tray with food, she gave him a look so fierce it appeared insane. As they say, if looks could kill  
Vallejo happened to believe that they could. He backed away from her as fast as possible and put the food down on the floor.  
Here you go, he said.  
You can't keep us here forever, you know! Sandy's voice was sharp.  
It won't be very long, he said and tried to retire, but she rose and stood in his way.  
Then what? Will you kill us? Her hand moved for his gun and when he grabbed it she laughed, very softly. You have a gun. You can kill me now. Don't you think? She took a step closer, and in her gentle rage she was more beautiful than ever before. Can you kill me, Vallejo? Can you pull that trigger and make my heart explode? Do you want to know a secret, Vallejo? I have no heart. She drew her hands apart and blew inside them to show their emptiness. Nothing. It is gone. There is nothing you can do to me that hasn't been done already with my consent. You cannot harm me, but I can put a curse on you that will make you wish you had never been born. She started to chant in a low voice: Pyramus et Thisbe juvenum pulcherrimus alter  
Vallejo leapt outside with the speed of lightning and slammed the door locked. Everyone stared at the revenging goddess, but with a short, girlish laughter she was back to normal, back to being Sandy.  
Imagine someone being so afraid of Latin poetry, she said scornfully.  
Who taught you that poem? Carlos asked her.   
Who else? She noticed the riders' faces and smiled. You don't have to look at me like that. I'm not one of Nita's ghosts. And I'm not a witch either if that's of any interest to you. I'm just a damned good liar.  
You're certainly a fantastic actress, Buck said. You'd put our Cody in the shade any day.  
It helps that she's a tad said Carlos and tapped his temple.  
Well, a little bit, maybe, she sighed and sat down on the floor. But Jesus, when someone scares me it just feels so good to scare them right back.  
You didn't seem scared Ike signed, half impressed, half put off by her divine performance.  
She smiled at him.  
I told you what I'm like when I'm scared.  
An enormous yawn finished her sentence. She looked a bit embarrassed.  
I've been so tense, and now I feel so much better. But it takes a lot of strength to pull off the witchy thing. I think I'm even too sleepy to eat!  
Without thinking, Ike sat down by her side, handing her pieces of food as they ate, because she seemed about to fall asleep. Even Nita was more alert, in spite of her injury. Before he knew it, Ike found himself having Sandy sleeping in his arms. He met Buck's eyes and had to look away. It wasn't as if he had done anything. He could tell Emily about this anytime.  
But he knew he wouldn't.  
  
Night had fallen, and everybody tried to cuddle up to sleep. Ike had moved gently to reach a more comfortable position without waking Sandy. He heard someone come close to him, and then Carlos' voice whispered:  
  
Ike turned to him, but how could he answer? It was pitch-dark, and he could barely see the young man's shadow.  
It's okay, you don't have to Carlos silenced, and then continued: I just want to ask you a favour. Don't stay away from my sister.  
Of all things, Ike would never have expected this. He sat so still Carlos got insecure and whispered again:  
Are you awake? Squeeze my hand if you are.  
Ike searched for Carlos' hand and found it.  
Good. I know this must sound horrible to you - Aleja told me about your girlfriend. But we may not come out of this alive. He searched for words. I don't want her to die thinking that love is that sick, perverted thing she takes it for.  
Silence again. Ike wanted to answer, wanted to say go on, tell me at the same time as some part of his conscience told him to stay out of this. He squeezed Carlos' hand to push him further.  
She's such a beautiful girl, you know. Even in a whisper, there was sobbing in his voice. She always took care of me when we were little - of all of us. She's so strong, and smart, and lovely, but that son of a bitch He was definitely crying now. Anyway, I'm not going to enter any details. You know how a limb can be broken and then heal, only it heals the wrong way and you can never use it properly? You have to break it again to set it right. Thing is, the same thing can happen to a heart. She lied to that man, she's got one alright, but it broke and never healed right. Even if you break it again, Ike, whatever little thing you can give her will be with my blessing.  
He rose quickly.  
Anyway, that's what I wanted to say, he concluded and disappeared into the night.  
Ike sat thinking, bewildered. Buck had warned him about getting involved, but a part of him - no, a big part - wanted to do exactly what Carlos had hinted. Not as an act of charity. He had wanted it all along.  
But he could never do anything that would mean being unfaithful to Emily. There he stopped. What was infidelity anyway? Sleeping with someone? But surely they would never come to that. Even in the dark, he could see Sandy's features as clearly as in broad day light, because they were always in his head. Wasn't that infidelity? He tried to produce Emily's face into his mind and succeeded - but only to have it pushed aside by a chubby, aggressive Mexican girl.  
Suddenly he realised that Sandy's breathing was quick and shallow, and he put his hand on her face to check it out. Her cheeks were wet, and when his fingers touched her eyes she blinked.  
Yes, I heard, she whispered. Maybe he's right. He's always been the smart one. And right now I don't think I would mind any human touch.  
She moved away from his arms anyway, and then took his hands in her.  
You to me, top secret, she whispered. What do you think?  
He realised that she meant that he should sign while she held him, and so he did:  
I think I love you. But I also love Emily.  
She read his signs with her hands and thought for a while, then it came, pleading:  
I don't want to demand anything from you, but You don't have to think of me ever again once you're back with her, but try to love me right now.  
He grabbed her and held her closely. He made no sign, but every part of his body said: I will.  
  



	8. Bad Goes Worse

Chapter 8: Bad Goes Worse  
  
In the morning, Nita had run a temperature. Her cheeks were unnaturally blushed, and according to herself her leg thumped like a railway train. But she was not yet so ill that she couldn't give her sister an insinuating remark or two. Sandy was too worried to even get embarrassed.  
Are you sure you are alright? she asked.  
No, I feel awful, Nita answered truthfully. But what doesn't kill you can can only make you stronger, right?  
She noticed the look on Buck's face and frowned.  
I'm not gonna die, am I?  
Of course not. But those dark blue eyes demanded the truth, and he said with a sigh: There is no wound so trivial that it can't kill you if it gets infected. Yours is alright so far, but if it doesn't get tended to, I can't make any promises.  
She seemed very calm about it. Ramón, on the other hand, looked absolutely stunned. Carlos noticed the horror in the younger boy's eyes and shook his head.  
Ramón, querido, this must be hard for you.  
Hard for me? The boy was disbelieving. I'm not the one who His eyes fell on Nita and he bit his lip.  
Nita got very annoyed. We're all in mortal danger, didn't you know that?  
Callate, hermanita, le astustas, said Carlos reproachfully. He looked with sympathy at Ramón. I wasn't aware that you were still immortal.  
Ramón wasn't the only one who looked surprised at that remark, and Carlos actually smiled a bit when he continued: See, when you're a kid, death is something that happens to other people far away, preferably old ones. You and everyone you know are immortal. He sighed. Then sooner or later people will die on you and you realise that you're not protected. For us it was sooner, but I guess it's later for you.  
Are we all gonna die then? Is that what you're saying? the boy demanded.  
Carlos shrugged.  
Well, are we? Lou said with a thoughtful frown. If they're gun smugglers like Nita thinks, they have to move with the weapons. That's what Sanchez hinted, too. And when they leave this place, what will happen to us? They can't let us go right away, we might call the law before they have enough distance between town and themselves. So I guess they're either going to kill us or just leave us here.  
I don't think we have the time to find out, said Sandy and chewed her lip. Buck's right, Nita needs professional help.  
I know you always thought so, her sister said in an attempt to joke.  
Sandy attacked her like a hunting kestrel.  
What did you have to do something so incredibly stupid for in the first place? You knew he might fire!  
Of course. That's why I did it.  
For the dog. Fantastic. In the glorious tradition of putting other people's safety first, the dog is now considered more important than you.  
Calm down, said Carlos. We need a plan, not you banging your head into the wall. But how can we possibly get out? We have no tools, and no weapons apart from the obvious: teeth, claws and Aleja's hairpins. Perfect in a catfight, but not enough for us to consider ourselves armed.  
said Nita and opened her eyes widely. That's it! A broad smile spread over her face, and she looked like the girl version of Arkimedes right after his . She looked triumphantly at the others. I knew I'd remember it if I just stopped trying to! He said 'never arm an enemy'. That's how I knew. I realised they had weapons lying in the house.  
Well, that's good to know, Lou said. Or it would be, if we could get there.  
I don't think we should try to get armed, said Sandy. I think we should just try to get the hell out of here. She drummed with her hands on her leg. And since our only assets seem to be our heads, what we need is a good, solid, flawless plan. Unfortunately, I'm no good at planning. Chess is the game I hate the most. So I'll leave it all to you and freak out in the meantime.  
Ideas were tossed around, but few seemed solid ones. Soon they were interrupted by the guards checking on them.  
  
Caldwell went behind the house to get some more wood for the fire. The night had been cold and they had used up a lot. He wondered how those damned people in the barn felt. Probably awful. It had been a stupid idea keeping them there in the first place, but what could you expect when you worked with amateurs.  
He saw a movement among the cliffs and quickly raised his eyes.  
Hey, Vallejo, where do you think you're going? he asked.  
The other man stopped short.  
I'm leaving, he said. There was a touch of insecurity in his voice.  
You are? Caldwell smiled. His voice was friendly enough, but there was a certain something in it  
Yes. I'll have no more of this. These people are bad luck. The witch called them before she left her body.  
She had a heart attack, Caldwell said patiently.  
Call it what you want. We offended her, she is dead, now we are offending her friends. But not I. That girl Sanchez shot is powerful. She befriends animals and ghosts, and if she dies they might revenge it.  
Caldwell sighed and walked to the block.  
There is no rhyme and reason in what you say, my friend. Still, if you're afraid, I understand that you don't want to stay.  
Vallejo relaxed.  
But you must understand one thing. I refused to let them leave, even though they hardly knew anything about us. You, on the other hand, know everything. So I can assure you, my friend, you will not leave this place.  
  
Nita's fever was running higher, and she didn't object when the others suggested that she should take a little nap. She rolled up as mush as possible on one of the blankets provided to them, trying to find a position that didn't hurt her leg so much and still felt comfortable. Very soon she was asleep.  
But it wasn't a sound sleep. When Buck sat down to check on her she twisted and mumbled something in Spanish. Leaning down, he heard that it was the same word she kept repeating, but he didn't understand it.  
Carlos knelt down beside them, and Buck turned to him, asking:  
What is she saying?  
Carlos listened.  
, he said.  
  
Yes. You know, hatchet.  
Nita turned about so violently it must have been painful, but she didn't wake up. Instead, she said a long Spanish sentence. She seemed very agitated.  
God have mercy on his soul, Carlos translated slowly. He looked at his little sister with a thoughtful frown, and then he rose.  
Try not to wake her up, he said. If she sleeps through the dream she won't remember it afterwards. She's in enough danger without having to worry about dreamed ones.  
Buck nodded his consent, and then stood up, careful not to disturb the sleeping girl.  
Does she have a lot of nightmares? he asked.  
Carlos shook his head.  
Hardly ever. That's Aleja's speciality. Nita has a much calmer mind.  
He threw a glance at his older sister and the shadow of a smile could be seen on his lips.  
Of course, now it seems Aleja has been sleeping sound enough.  
  
Not long afterwards, Nita woke from her sister's touch on her forehead. She looked up, her eyes seeming even more blue from the pinkness of their whites.  
¿Qué tal? Sandy asked softly.  
Nita thought for a moment, then answered in English:  
I feel cold, she said. Then Sandy's expression made her add: But I'm not really cold, am I? It's just the fever that's higher.  
A little bit.  
Sandy turned to the others. Her face was anxious.  
What are we to do? There must be a way of getting out!  
There is that door, Carlos said dryly. If you can get the people outside to open up and let us out, that would be  
Oh, shut up, will you? she shouted at him. As she seemed on the verge of pounding on the walls again, Ike took hold of her and held her close to his body. She sighed deeply.  
I'm going mad, she said into his shirt. A few more days like this and I'll be miss Raving Lunatic.  
Now, that's a thought, said Carlos unexpectedly.  
Ike could feel the girl stiffening and frowned to show that he found the remark unecessary.  
No, I'm serious! Carlso said. There was a new light in his eyes. Aleja, hear me out!  
  
When the people inside first started pounding the barn door and crying for help, Lefaivre ignored it. He wasn't there for their enjoyment. But as their pleads grew louder he called for Maynard.  
Cover my back as I go inside and see what they want, he said.  
He was well at guard as he unlocked and unbolted the door (the nutty old lady seemed to have been convinced that someone would try and steal her worthless animals), but he wasn't prepared for what he would see.  
Sandy stood by the wall, forcefully pounding her head and torso into it while she tore the skin of her face with nails that left deep, bloody marks. Ike tried to hold her, but his touch made her scream violently and fight him in deranged anger. When he let go of her she sank to the floor, once again throwing herself to the wall. She was still tearing her face and hair; her once so neat hairstyle had been completely destroyed as long, black, untidied curls fell down around her face.  
Lefaivre said, watching the young girl bite her lip so hard blood flowed down her chin.  
You've got to help her, Carlos sobbed. She's completely hysterical, I think she's lost her mind. She's never been quite stabil, but not like this either.  
Lefaivre stood uncertain for a second, cursing this fine mess. Then he moved up to the wretched creature and cautiously asked:  
Miss, are you okay? Can you hear  
Sandy wasted no time. She flung herself at the man, and while he tried to protect his eyes from her scratching claws, her knee found his delicate area with an accuracy that made him fall moaning to the floor.  
Maynard had been standing by the door, amazed by the horrid sight. Before he had any chance to react to the new situation, Buck and Carlos fought him down together. Carlos grabbed the gun that had fallen from Maynard's hands and struck him in the head with it. Then he tossed it over to Buck with a grimace.  
You take it, I wouldn't know what to do with it, he said.  
Well, what you did do with it seems to have worked just fine, Buck answered.  
In spite of his exposed position, Lefaivre realised that the prisoners were about to escape, and he tried to get control of his gun.  
Oh, no you don't! Sandy said and bit him hard in the wrist.  
The man howled in pain, but he let go of the gun, and Ike hurried to pick it up. Then he followed Carlos' example and Lefaivre lost consciousness.  
It's working! Sandy said happily. She took a few steps towards the door, the beautiful, open door, but swayed and had to stop.  
God, what a headache I have, she panted.  
You probably ruined your brain, but it just might be worth it, Carlos said. He was adjusting Nita in his arms and smiled at his little sister. Feeling alright, chica?  
Nita was barely awake, but she had enjoyed the spectacle.  
It was beautiful, she whispered.  
, Carlos agreed, and then he shouted at the others: Hurry up before the others get here!  
Ike, Sandy, Lou and Ramón ran away towards the mountains. Carlos had to move a lot slower with Nita in his arms, and Buck covered them both with the gun, as well as the dog.  
Buck cursed when he saw the men approaching them. They weren't discovered yet, but it was only a matter of time. Come on, we have to go the other way, past the house.  
That's the wrong direction, Carlos objected but he followed anyway.  
We'll just have to take a longer run Buck said, and they rounded the corner of the house. Then Carlos stopped short, staring at something by the woodshed. Buck looked in the same direction, and gasped when he realized what he saw.  
Vallejo was lying across the pile of wood, and the axe was solidly buried in his skull. He had not been dead for long, but flies already gathered around his head.  
Both the young men mumbled a short prayer in their own languages, and then Buck's eyes turned to the semi-unconscious girl Carlos was holding.  
That's what she said, wasn't it? he said in a hoarse voice.  
Carlos shook his head, but the gesture meant I don't know. He had no explanation to offer.  
They quickly regained control of themselves and ran towards the mountain. Gunshots were fired after them, but by then they were near the cliffs, and as they reached shelter without being hit, they dared to hope that they might come home.  
  



	9. Better

Chapter 9: Better  
  
The other fugitives were well on their way before they reached the same conclusion. When the bullets started flying in the air they ran quickly and dared not slow down until they saw the bell tower of the town church.  
We made it! Ramón cried.  
Sandy looked at the familiar building with a stunned expression. Then her face lit up.  
We're alive, she whispered.  
She turned to Ike and for the first time she let her lips embrace his. Ike tasted her warm blood in his mouth and carefully licked it away from her bitten lip. They paid no attention to Lou's and Ramón's amazed gazes, nor of anything else, until Sandy felt a hand on her shoulder. The touch almost made her bite through her lip again, but instead she quickly separated herself from Ike and spun around to see who had caused it.  
The sight of Joaquín Saura, the town verger, made her smile with relief. To her great surprise, the man looked in absolute horror at her. Then she realised what she must look like, and when she wiped her mouth from the kiss, the bloodstains on her hand confirmed her thought.  
We were kidnapped she said. It sounded incredibly lame when said in this situation.  
By gunsmugglers!, Ramón filled in. When he was no longer in mortal danger, the adventure of it all dawned to him. They have taken señora Coátl's house, and they kept us prisoners in her barn.  
It was an unlike story to a peaceful man like the verger, but he had no reason to doubt it. The appearances of the youngsters confirmed Ramón's words.  
All of you?, he asked. Seven people had been reported missing, but these were only four. Where are the others?  
They're coming after us, Lou said, and then she added: I hope.  
It wasn't until then it occured to her that since the others had to move much more slowly, it was quite possible they hadn't made it. She kept this thought to herself, because the others did not seem to embrace it. Ike and Sandy were still more concerned with each others than with anything else, and to Ramón this was the happy ending, and it would have been completely inconceivable to him that it could be anything but happy.  
They were taken to the church, where the priest quickly let them in and sent the verger off to get the sheriff. Once he had done this contribution to the maintaining of the law, the priest turned to his unexpected houseguests with great care. He provided them with food and resting places and tactfully hinted that they might want to freshen up. At this last comment his eyes turned to Sandy, and when he had left the room she asked Ike:  
Exactly how awful do I look?  
He viewed her from head to foot. She was a ghastly mess, there was no questions about it. Her face and neck were full of bloody lines, and huge masses of hair lay in disorder around her body, some of it still trying to preserve the original set. A ghost just risen from the grave could not have been more hideous - nor more appealing. She certainly looked more like the madwoman she had played than a fine young lady, but all this was proof of her greatness to him. What would he with a fine young lady? All her tantrums and sarcasms aside, she was simply delightful.  
You're beautiful, he told her.  
You liar! She laughed. I can't wait to wash up.  
Since none of them were exactly looking their best, they all hurried to do so.  
  
I hope they're alright, Sandy sighed as she tried to scrub the drying blood from her face.  
I thought you weren't worried, Lou said.  
Sandy snorted at this remark.  
My brother and sister haven't made it safely home yet, and you don't think I'm worried? What am I to you, some sort of monster? I know I look one at the moment, but honestly!  
Lou felt a little ashamed of herself. She hadn't shown her concern herself, so why had she assumed that Sandy would? They had all been through a lot of pressure lately. The only way to pull through was to stay calm and hope for the best, she knew that. The thing was that Sandy had been pretty _bad_ at that. Sooner or later she would move restlessly about, drumming the walls or her legs with her hands.  
Watching the other girl, Lou realised that Sandy focused on what she had gotten back, clinging on to these every day things to keep control. This beauty care for one thing. Her hands shivered when she arranged her hair, oh so slightly but fully noticeable.  
Lou forgot about her thoughts when Sandy released the last hairpins and all the enormous masses of hair was let down to its full extent. She felt a sting of jealousy knowing that even if she let her own grow it would never be that rich, and probably not that long either. However, the jealousy was soon overshadowed by pure fascination.  
she whispered.  
Sandy turned to her, and when she noticed her glance she laughed a little.  
I never cut it, she said.  
Can you sit on that? Lou asked, measuring the length with her eyes.  
When it's down like this I can, Sandy answered. She tried to sort out all the knots with her fingers, and grimaced at the attempt. I would need a good, solid hairbrush and several hours to get some style on this mess. Well, at least it's better than before. If I find a string I'll tie it up, and that will be that. Are you done?  
Lou splashed some more water on her face and then agreed to leave. They put their miserable clothes back on - hopefully they would get to change them soon - and returned to the others.  
Only, now the vicarage was more crowded than before. Sandy gave a joyous cry and threw herself in her mother's arms.  
Oh, mamá, it's so good to see you again! she said.  
Mrs. Fernandez gently hugged her daughter.  
Same here, hija. I'm so glad you're all back, I thought I would die when you disappeared and I didn't know where you were.  
And we _are_ all back! Sandy's eyes met Carlos', that were sparkling with joy.  
Fair sister Rapunzel, I salute you! he said and let action follow his words. You were magnificent! Although I do think you should let someone take a look at that head of yours.  
This comment got Sandy's thought into other tracks.  
Did you send for the doctor for Nita?  
Of course. He'll probably be here by tomorrow. The midwife is taking care of her now.  
She was satisfied, and Carlos smiled at her.  
You know what they say, all is well that ends well.  
At this moment, Sandy's eyes strayed into Ike's direction. He had reunited with Buck, who was telling him about their way back. Although none of them looked in her direction, she simply couldn't look away.  
_But this isn't the end_, she thought to herself.  
  
The next few days were completey chaotic, and it took a while before Ike had the time to try and meet Sandy in private. He found her in her room, where she was busy writing. He bent down to give her a kiss, and she accepted it while she swiftly moved her papers.  
What are you writing? he asked her.  
An article about our kidnapping. A girl has to work! The newsteam would never forgive me if I didn't give them all the details. I'm trying to figure out an ending. 'The surviving members of the gang have been taken to state prison' sounds a bit dry, doesn't it?  
He had to agree, and she sighed.  
I knew it! Maybe I should include that part about Vallejo's funeral.  
Ike looked quizzically at her.  
You haven't heard? Nita demands that he'll be buried properly in the graveyard. She says she won't have him haunting her. It's a good angle, but I fear that the readers will think she's completely nuts.  
She chewed her pencil in thought and then shrugged.  
Oh, who cares what the readers think? I'll put it in. Lena's going to love it. I really miss that girl. You know, all this really proves is that this town and I definitely don't get along. She raised her eyes and looked at him. Maybe it's time for me to head back to Chicago.  
Ike was startled. To him, she was a part of Reina Isabella. He had never thought of her leaving, even though she had told him she was only there for a temporary visit.  
Are you leaving?  
Am I? She sighed. Sit down, Ike, we have to talk about this.  
He reluctantly sat down on her bed, knowing that whatever they said now, things were going to change one way or another.  
I'll be honest with you. If you stay and I stay, I don't think I can stay away from you. She laughed joylessly. Simple logic. I guess you could go home. Blame your old injury or something, nobody's going to ask any questions. But that wouldn't be fair to the Giróns, would it? They still need their house done. Me, on the other hand, if I leave, who will miss me?  
I'll miss you.  
Ike, don't. She turned away from him. He couldn't stand the sight of her rejecting back and wrapped his arms around it. When he felt her body relaxing in his hold, he kissed her neck. She sighed of delight.  
Alright then, she said. I'm not expecting any promises. But these few weeks, I want to be all yours. No third shadow between us.  
His hands around her chest signed: None.  
  



	10. A Night Out

Chapter 10: A Night Out  
  
You know what we haven't done? Carlos asked Lou.  
What haven't we done? When she looked at him, his teasing eyes reminded her of the answer. That club.  
  
She hesitated.  
Carlos, I don't know  
He nodded, as if he had expected that answer.  
Well yes, it is a place full of buggars. Hardly proper company for a nice young girl.  
It's not that. She was telling the truth. After the first sense of disgust, she had been rather intrigued by the thought, and she would have enjoyed to go there just to satisfy her curiosity. I've just been thinking some - when we were captured.  
Seems like the perfect time for it, he agreed, and she couldn't help laughing.  
Thing is, there's this guy at home. I can't stand him most of the time, he's the most annoying, narrow-minded little prick I've ever met. We have been quarelling terribly lately and I don't know if he can be considered my boyfriend, but She stopped, uncertain of how to but it. But somehow he's the one. I wouldn't feel comfortable dating anyone else.  
Who said anything about dating?  
This surprised her.  
It wouldn't be a date?  
Well, to be honest, it was a date I had in mind. But it wouldn't have to be. We could just have a nice night out as friends, celebrating the fact that we're still in one piece.  
His grin was contageous.  
I'd like that.  
  
We'd better get going, Carlos said to Lou later that afternoon.  
She rose from her chair and everyone else in the room looked up.  
Where are you going? Buck asked.  
Down to that club, Lou answered.  
We intend to celebrate our survival among the sexually inverted, Carlos filled in.  
Sandy snapped in reproach. What an awful word to use!  
He was highly amused by her dislike.  
My big sister, the distinguished lady, refuses to let me insult anyone. Even myself. Come on Lou, you're going to love Estrella.  
Buck looked thoughtfully after the leaving couple.  
You know, celebration isn't a bad idea.  
You want to go with them? Sandy asked. I'm sure they'll let you.  
Buck looked a little consternated. For Lou, this was the perfect way to get courted for once. For him well, it wasn't.  
Isn't there some other place? he asked. You know, ordinary?  
There's a restaurant-and-bar thing right here in Reina Isabella, Sandy said. She didn't sound overenthusiastic. You could go there if you like.  
Buck looked at Ike, who nodded his content.  
Could be fun. Will you come, too? he asked Sandy.  
Me? No way.  
Her tone surprised them. Buck wondered for a moment if it was his objections to the relationship she was forming with Ike that made her reject the thought of the three of them going out together. He soon turned that idea down. He had tried to bring up the subject earlier, and she had amiably but firmly hinted that it was none of his business. The incident had not strained her treatment of him at all, so why would it now?  
What's wrong with the place? he asked instead.  
Nothing wrong. A bunch of people eating and having drinks, most of them morons. Just like in any other town, only these are my townspeople and I long since decided I don't like them. She shrugged. If you go I'm sure you will enjoy yourself, but I'm not going.  
Just like you're not dating? Ike asked.  
This made her at a loss for an answer for a second.  
Ike, that is so not the same She silenced. That is the same thing. Alright, have it your way. I'll go. Now get that stupid grin of your face.  
  
Lou didn't know what she had expected from Estrella. Maybe something colourful, like the brothel where she had lived. Maybe a shabby joint hidden in a dark corner of the town, with people sneaking inside, trying to prevent others to see them. She certainly hadn't expected it to be so ordinary. It looked like something between a restaurant and a sitting room. People were sitting about in chairs, eating, talking, reading or playing games. Not necessarily card games; this was probably the first time she saw people play backgammon in a public house. It was cosy.  
She was also surprised to find a few women there. True, at closer sight one of them turned out to be about as much woman as she was a man, but the others seemed genuine enough.  
Everybody, this is Lou, Carlos said as soon as they had entered.  
A chorus of hellos and friendly smiles met her.  
, she said, not knowing quite how to continue. You might want to know that I'm a girl.  
This caused no surprise what so ever, but one young man asked:  
When you say 'girl', do you mean only physically or  
I'm a girl in every possible way, she assured him. I just wear these clothes because I have to. I'm an express rider and they don't allow women.  
She even has a boyfriend, Carlos added.  
Lou looked anxiously around. She didn't know what the rules were for this place, if they would even let her one step further when she had admitted that she was just an ordinary girl in extraordinary clothing.  
, said a pretty young girl with a smile that showed she wasn't serious. She reached out her hand to the rider. I'm Laura. Have a seat!  
Lou sat down next to Laura, unsure of what to do. She noticed that Carlos sat down in another part of the room to talk to some friends, and she felt a moment of panic. Laura noticed her bewilderment and was very amused.  
Nobody will bite you, you know, she said amiably. These charming young gentlemen are Victor, Steve and Gary.  
The 'charming young gentlemen' shook hands with Lou.  
Steve and Gary are lovers, Laura continued. Does that shock you?  
Gary, who seemed to have a year or two left before he had to enter the twenties, blushed and moved a few inches away from Steve. Lou looked at them and thought that she had rarely seen something so affectionate. It made her suddenly long for the Kid, and she shook her head.  
Not at all, she said.  
Laura smiled widely at her. It was like moving into warming sunlight.  
she said. I'm sure we will become friends. Have you read 'Vanity Fair'? I'm reading loud for the guys.  
Afraid not, Lou replied.  
Oh. Well, it's a very funny book, I think you'll like it. What has happened so far is that this young girl, Becky  
Lou listened as Laura explained the plot to her. She found that she was really enjoying herself. When Carlos had finished his conversation and sat down next to her, she could honestly answer 'great' to his whispering question how she liked the place. She stopped thinking of Laura as a tribade - no, that wasn't quite true. It just didn't matter. Her mixed feelings before coming to this place had included a fear of not feeling comfortable because she was different than the people there, but she found that she wasn't. Who you fell in love with was after all not very important. If anything, she felt more at home here than anywhere else, because she didn't have to choose between Lou and Louise. She could be both, and that felt so wonderful. At first had been a disguise she was forced into, but nowadays it felt more and more natural, so that the girl's clothing, the part, made her feel like an even bigger fraud.  
But here she could be one of the guys and one of the gals at the same time. She realised that even if she wore pants that shouldn't have to stop her from being courted. It was a pleasant and unexpected discovery, and she decided that she would never forget it. And she'd make damn sure the Kid didn't forget it either.  
  
Meanwhile, Buck's Ike's and Sandy's night out in Reina Isabella turned out very differently.  
Buck was used to steeling himself whenever he walked into a place full of people, certain of the comments that would follow. It was always the same old story. It took people a while to notice that Ike was different, but him they saw right away. His muscles and senses tensed automatically. He had done it so many times that he had stopped thinking about it, which is why it took some time for him to realise what was wrong. There were no comments. Nobody looked twice at him. When he looked around, he noticed why. More than half of the people here were of Mexican origin, and quite a few of them didn't look very different from himself.   
He also noticed something else. Sandy kept the same kind of caution, waiting for the first blow. She had said that she didn't like the townspeople, and now it hit him that the feeling might be mutual.  
We can leave if you like, he said to her.   
She immediately straightened her back in queenlike pride.  
We came here to celebrate, and so we will, she answered.  
Ike glanced at her with some surprise. Unlike Buck he hadn't noticed how strained she was. Now he put his hand on her shoulder, and she gave him a somewhat offish smile.  
There's a table. We'll take it, she said and walked with determined steps to the chosen place.  
They sat down called for a waitress who gave Buck a radiant smile but disappeared to another table; it was a busy night. Still, after a while she managed to get a minute free for them.  
Hi, Sandy, she said, and then turned to Buck. You're the anglos that help the Giróns, aren't you?  
That's us, Buck said with an appreciative smile.  
Sandy sighed.  
Guys, this is Montserrat. Montse, these are my friends Buck and Ike.  
Nice to meet you, said Montserrat politely. Then she remembered her professional duties and took their orders. She seemed reluctant to leave, but as the calls from other customers got louder she had to go.  
Ike grinned at his best friend.  
Looks like you have a new admirer, he teased Buck.  
Buck didn't seem to mind.  
She was pretty, he answered.  
You could do a lot worse, Sandy admitted. There's no harm in Montse. She's not very interesting, but she's a nice girl.  
For the first time she seemed more relaxed. The conversation began to run smoothly. Then a man from the table next to theirs leant towards them.  
Hey, Fernandez, he said. I heard you guys were kept prisoners by those gun smugglers they caught.  
We were, she said shortly. The smile disappeared from her face and she got a suspicious wrinkle between her eyebrows.  
Damn ugly story, a companion of the first man said and shook his head to emphasize his words. I never thought Mateo would do something like that. Just shows how little you know about people.  
Pretty mean bunch he was involved with, too, weren't they? a third man asked curiously.  
Sandy got a scornful expression.  
Now, what makes you say that? she asked. I thought they were perfect gentlemen.  
So I heard, the first guy said with a grin. Her face was blank as she turned to him.  
What did you hear exactly? she asked him.  
Well, I heard they let you go 'cause you were at their service, so to speak, he answered.  
  
Don't be silly, the third man said. He wasn't to pleased with Sandy's treatment of him before and saw his chance to pay back. Why would they want a cold hearted bitch like that?  
Ike rose in anger, but Sandy held him back.  
Don't bother, she said, and her steely eyes met the men's. What were you saying?  
The first man valued her slowly.  
I know some people claim you're frigid, he said. But maybe you just need to play it rough. Those men ought to know the trick just as well as Duncan. He saw with pleasure how her face went pale. Did you give them pussy so they would play it rough with you? Now, don't take me wrong. I don't blame you if you did. I've said more than once that this crazy little Fernandez slut could use a good fuck. I know you're not that hard to melt. You threw yourself at Duncan Campbell's feet, didn't you? And then you lost your mind over him. Your mind and a whole lot more, I guess. You wanna give me pussy, Fernandez? I'll play it rough with you, I promise.  
Seeing how Sandy sunk stunned into her chair, Ike just couldn't stand it anymore. His fist hit the man's jaw with the weight of iron. The man fell upon the table with a crash that seemed to wake Sandy up again. Without a word, she rose and went straight through the gathering crowd. Near the door, she was stopped by a shocked Montserrat.  
What happened? she asked.  
Sandy looked at the girl as if the question was completely irrelevant.  
Cancel my order, will you, she said in a low voice. I'm going home.  
  



	11. Disclosure

Chapter 11: Disclosure  
  
The boys found her sitting behind the house, back leaning towards the wall. She stared at the stars without really seeing them.  
I'm sorry I just left you there, she said. I wasn't quite myself.  
I don't blame you, Buck said. Are you okay?  
Not really.  
Ike sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. He gave Buck a glance that asked him to leave them alone. Buck nodded and lent down to strike Sandy's cheek.  
You take care, he said, and then he left.  
Sandy sat silent for a minute. Then took a deep, shivering breath. Her eyes were dry, and it struck Ike that he had never seen her cry.  
I guess I owe you an explanation, she said.  
You don't owe me anything.  
That's not true. I should never have let you get into this situation. You know what I like about Chicago? People don't know all that much about you. Not even your friends. If you want to tell them things you can do it in confidence, one thing at a time. It's not a choice between spilling it all out on the very first day or let them hear the ugly version from strangers. She thought about her words. Not that there is a version that isn't ugly.  
You can tell me.  
She gave a mirthless laugh.  
Can I? I don't even know where to start. This is so difficult.  
To talk about it?  
To explain. Her eyes met his, and she shrugged helplessly. To make you understand.  
She thought to herself that if she saw any sign of contempt in his eyes she would leave that instant. But at the same time she knew that she couldn't withhold this from him any longer.  
I loved Duncan Campbell, she said. I was fifteen and had dreamed of the knight in shining armour all my life. That was what he was to me. I had only seen him a few times when I felt that he was the one. The love of my life. She frowned. Are all girls that stupid?  
What happened?  
What happened? I was in love. I had never felt anything like it. I knew every single feature of his face by heart. He had slanting blue eyes, soft like a puppy's, and this impossible fringe that kept falling into them. I wasn't the only one who found him handsome. He was tall, slim and well-dressed, and that appealed to many girls. The first time he asked me out I was in seventh heaven. Even when the dates were so frequent I realised that he was really my boyfriend, I just couldn't believe it. He was so fine to me. I would do anything he asked me to, he just had to say 'please' in that warm voice of his. 'Please Sandy, can't you tell your friend to come back another time? I thought we could have a romantic dinner.' He was great at romantic dinners. 'Sandy, I love you so much, I can't stand being away from you.'  
He made me feel like a queen, a goddess, even. Nobody else treated me the way he did, so it didn't feel like a sacrifice to spend every hour with him. I really didn't even think about it until he wanted me to stop talking to other men. I was just talking to them, not flirting or anything, but suddenly he wasn't all that sweet and polite anymore. And that felt awful. Falling from his grace was something I couldn't stand, so I did everything he wanted. But it was never enough. For every step I took in his direction, he wanted me to take a bigger one. The difference between queen and bitch was so frightfully small.  
The first time he called me that was shocking. All I had done was to spend a day with my girlfriends instead of him. Nobody appreciated me, he said, he was the only one who saw how fantastic I was. Why would I need my girlfriends or even my family when I had him? I tried to stand up for myself, and then he got mad. Before I knew it, he yelled 'bitch' at me. I couldn't breath. I cried and cried and begged him to forgive me, promised that I'd never do it again. And he apologized and told me that he was so madly in love with me, he needed to be everything for me. I had to stop doing things that made him angry.  
In a way, that was worse than the first time he hit me. I mean, what's a strike after all? I accepted every blow gladly, because I felt I deserved them.   
Then he wanted me to sleep with him. I said no. I was very idealistic, and I didn't believe in sex before marriage. At first he pleaded, then he got furious. He accused me of having other men. My virtue couldn't take all that anger, so I gave in. His smile once I had done that convinced me that it was the right decision. Not that I wasn't nervous. Scared, even. When we were going to do it, I got cold feet and asked him to stop, but he didn't.  
Mom had told me a thing or to about the 'wedding night' as she called it. I knew it might hurt, but not that it would hurt so much. Of course, most of the pain came from my arms, because he held them over my head so I would keep still. When he asked me afterwards if I had liked it I lied and said I had. That pleased him, but I was horrified at the idea of doing it again. At first I sometimes asked him not to, but I soon learned that it was no use. I subjected myself, and he was satisfied for a while, but then he got mad because I never moved. Once, I began to cry, and when he was done he pounded his fist straight into my abdomen. I was so grateful that nobody would ever see it, that nobody would understand what a bad girl I was.  
The sick part, the part I can't make people understand, is that I still loved him. And I told myself that he loved me, too. I don't think I could ever have left him on my own. But I started to feel ill. I couldn't keep anything down, my breasts hurt and my periods stopped. For the first time I did something sensible. I went to my mother. She told me the obvious, that I was pregnant. When I passed that information on to Duncan, he lost it completely. For the first time he hit me in the face. I couldn't hide it from mamá and she told me never to see him again. To make sure I obeyed her she left town with me. We went to a home for expecting single mothers.  
At this point, I couldn't even take care of myself, much less a baby. But one of mamá's friends couldn't have children herself, and mamá asked her to become the mother for my child. I agreed to it, because I didn't know what else to do. I had forgotten how to make my own decisions. I felt like a puppet with broken strings, there was nothing I could do. Then Manolo was born and God, he was so perfect. Whatever his father was, he was my boy, of my blood, and I loved him so much my heart ached. When they took him away I cried so hard they had to sedate me so I wouldn't upset the others. I knew he would have a good home, but that didn't help one bit.  
That broke whatever little strength I had left. When I came home, I just lay down in my bed and didn't leave it. Days could go by when I didn't eat or even moved, I just lay there crying my eyes out. Sometimes people came by, and then I would exaggerate a little bit just to be left alone. I was tremendously tired, because I didn't get any sleep. I had been having nightmares for many months, and sometimes they were so bad I didn't dare to fall asleep at all, I would just lie reading all night. Fortunately, it occurred to me that I might be able to sculpt the dreams. Dad's a potter, and all of us kids have always been playing with clay. Only, Duncan didn't like it. He didn't like anything that I showed any interest in, because he felt that it took me away from him. Can you imagine that? I was the one supposed to be crazy, but at least I wasn't jealous of clay. Sick. But I gave it up for him, of course, like everything else. I really loved getting back to it, and it helped, too. It was hard to get the dreams the way I had dreamed them, but once I was fairly satisfied they never came back. I sculpted away every nightmare, every bad thought and feeling of guilt. That was one of the ways I got back to life.  
I'm not saying it was easy, though. I hated leaving the house, because I felt like everyone was looking at me. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. All little towns are full of gossipers, but I'm not the only one who ever did something weird. After a while I was old news. Still, it felt fantastic to go to Chicago, it helped me a lot. I had dumped all my old friends when Duncan came along, and most of them never forgave me for it. When I moved, I got a whole new crowd to hang around with. At first it was hard to get used to, after three years of more or less isolation, but then it just felt so good. So, I'm okay with all this, when I'm not around here. Then again, maybe Carlos is right and I'm not healing properly. Duncan was the first man I ever loved, and even if I tell myself that the world is full of nice young men, some part of me just won't believe it. If I hadn't loved him so much it wouldn't have been half as bad. It wasn't that he hit me, but that he took me away from myself until I didn't even feel like a real person anymore. It's so hard to explain, he  
She struggled to find words, but had to give up. All this time as she had explained the facts of the matter, she had kept it simple and unsentimental, even though her face revealed strong emotions. But this was her limit. She couldn't put into words how she had felt, in which ways Duncan had raped her soul.  
Ike hadn't interrupted her story, only listened with deep concern. There was really nothing to be said. Now he remembered the sculptures in the attic and on some level he understood what she couldn't say. He filled in for her:  
He crippled you.  
Her eyes widened.  
How can you know The truth dawned to her, and for the first time since she started her story, she smiled. The Venus of America. I had forgotten about her. Yes, you're right. That's what he did.  
Ike put his arms around her and rocked her slowly.  
This won't be easy for you, she mumbled.  
He shook his head, smiling.  
It's you who's really hurting. What kind of a man would I be if I didn't take consideration to that?  
If you had known how fucked up I was to begin with, you never would have wanted to go out with me.  
I knew. I didn't know in what way, but I knew something was wrong. That doesn't matter.  
I don't know. She sighed as she rose and brushed the dirt form her skirt. He rose, too, and they stood there, looking at each other. This is new territory for me after all, I don't know if I can pull through.  
Her hand reached out to touch his cheek as if it had a will of its own. Not once had his eyes shown any unkind feelings. His loathe was not directed to her, and that was all she really needed to know.   
I'm willing to give it a try, though, she said. You're so good to me, Ike. It sounds trivial, but it isn't. I could say: 'You're the most beautiful man I have ever met in my life. I feel this energy around you that draws me closer. If I could, I would hide under your skin, and there I would be perfectly safe and never have to leave.' And that would be true, but I can't trust those feelings. A smile lit up her eyes. But I can trust you.  
She was so pretty in that moment that he almost lost touch with the ground. Unable to make a proper reply, he answered lightheartedly:  
As long as you trust one of us  
  



	12. Sisters and Lovers

Chapter 12: Sisters and Lovers  
  
With some hesitation, the doctor had let Nita out of his sight, and as soon as he did, she knew where she was heading. The temporary need of crutches couldn't stop her.  
Lou caught her on her way across the yard. She watched the younger girl's eagerness with some surprise before running up to her.  
Hey, how are you feeling? she asked.  
Nita stopped for a second to wait for Lou.  
, she said. It doesn't even hurt anymore. If I'm lucky I'll be rid of these things by the end of the month.  
You'll enjoy that, won't you? Lou said. Her jaunty tone made Nita glare at her.  
I'm not four years old, you know, she said.  
Lou realised how she had sounded and blushed.  
I'm sorry. Sometimes I almost think you are. But other times I don't. She felt a sudden need to be honest. That's really creepy, you know that?  
People tend to think that, Nita said laughing.  
They came to a small shed by the main house. Lou hurried to open the door to let Nita in. She sensed a smell of wet clay, and looking around she saw a potter's wheel and some half-done work covered with wet cloths.  
What's this? she asked.  
It's the workshop, Nita answered. This is where all the statuettes were made.  
She took a lump of wet clay and with some difficulty she managed to get it onto the wheel. Then she sat down by it, letting the crutches fall to the ground. She kicked the wheel with her healthy leg to make it spin, and her experienced hands formed the lump.  
What are you doing? Lou asked.  
A portrait.  
Of me?  
Nita laughed and shook her head.  
Afraid not. Would you want me to?  
Lou was a little embarrassed. The look in the other girl's eyes made her suddenly seem older than herself. I wouldn't mind.  
Nita nodded.  
I'll do it later then. Maybe a mini-Lou to put in your pocket. I promise I'll have something done before you return to Rock Creek. But right now I'm busy with this.  
Lou agreed to the deal, but couldn't help saying:  
Why don't you act more your age?  
What's my age? Nita asked, eyes occupied with her work.  
I don't know Boys, for one thing.  
Oh, boys! Nita laughed. There's always Ramón. And Randy, of course. I read a fairy-tale once where a dog turned into a prince when you cut his head off. Maybe I should try that. Her eyes glittered.  
The clay had now turned into something resembling a human head, and Nita stopped the wheel. While she began modelling the features of the portrait, she continued the conversation:  
I'm not all that interested in boys. There's so many other things going on. It's like the world is feeding my senses all the time, and I have to try and capture it all. Most people see, hear and feel very little. And consequently they know very little. They don't even know if other people are happy or sad, and they think it's strange that I do, especially if I can't tell them why. But it's really no stranger than reading a phrase in a book and then remember it even though you can't remember the name of the book or what it was about. That has happened to you too, hasn't it?  
Lou admitted that it had.  
I never said you were strange. You're just not like other kids of fourteen.  
Well, who is? Nita said grinning, shaping eyebrows in the clay. Can you hand me that needle?  
Lou did, and Nita worked silently for a minute.  
Did you know, she suddenly said, that in some countries they believe that you live over and over again. So maybe I have had many lives and am thousands of years old, but on the other hand, I could be brand new.  
No, I didn't know, Lou said. It was an interesting thought. Do you believe it?  
It makes sense. But then, why would I see the dead?  
Lou almost felt ashamed to ask:  
Do you really see the dead?  
Nita nodded. She seemed very matter-of-fact about it.  
And you asked for Vallejo to be buried so he wouldn't haunt you.  
It wasn't so much the burial ground that mattered, Nita answered. After all, people are buried in all sorts of strange places without anyone praying for them, and they're usually fine with it. It's just a body. But it felt better to forgive him, that's all. I never saw him, so I don't think he'd haunt me in the original sense of the word.  
She inspected what she had accomplished and grimaced at the sight.  
she muttered. I can't get it right.  
Lou moved over and watched the early attempts to feature a child's face.  
Who is she? she asked.  
Nita shook her head.  
I don't know for sure, she said. I've been dreaming about her since I was little, but never saw her face clearly. Now, when I had a fever, I saw it, and I want to make it before I forget it.  
There was something vaguely familiar about the girl, Lou thought. Something about the shape of the face and the eyes.  
The door opened, and Carlos entered.  
I figured I'd find you ladies here, he said. Mother said to tell you that supper will be done in about ten minutes. You might want to consider washing your hands, he added.  
I will, Nita said absent-mindedly. Carlos, come over here. Is this who I think it is?  
He walked up to the wheel, and as his eyes fell on the sculpture, a melancholic smile lit up his face.  
It's Pepita, he said.  
Nita looked pleased by the information.  
Then I do remember her after all.  
Who's Pepita? Lou asked.  
My big sister who was killed, Nita answered.  
  
Carlos guessed what she was thinking.  
She wasn't murdered or anything, he said. She was killed by a raging bull when she was six. We were out the whole family and both the little ones chose to pick flowers in the wrong place. Pepita helped Nita here to climb a tree, but before she had the time to follow, she was run through. His face hardened at the memory. By the time we got the bull out of the way so we could get to her, she was already dead.  
Lou stared at Nita as something dawned to her.  
So that's why you're afraid of cattle, she said.  
Nita shrugged.  
I guess. I was only three, I don't remember anything about it. I didn't even think I remembered Pepita. It feels good to know that I do. After all, she saved my life.  
  
If Sandy had thought that telling Ike the truth would spoil their relationship, she couldn't have been more wrong. Knowing what had happened to her made it easier for him to understand her mood swings, and she found that the honesty felt comfortable, that she could act more natural when she had nothing to hide.  
Ike knew by now that what he had with Sandy was more than just a crush or a fling, it was very close to love. At supper this night, when he silently watched her every movement, he realised something else, something much more troublesome. He was ready for the next step. What was he supposed to do about that? He couldn't ask her to sleep with him, that was out of the question. The only experience she had from sex had been with an abusive boyfriend who practically raped her. She would never want to do anything like that again.  
But some part of his mind reminded him that this was exactly what Carlos had been talking of. She had to be able to get past her fear if she were ever to live like other women. That was probably true, but dear Jesus, when he looked at her like this and his mind and body were filled with her presense, how could he trust himself to treat her right, to not hurt her again?  
Their eyes met over the table, and when she noticed his concerned look, she discreetly stuck her tongue out at him, screwing her eyes up to a murderous look. He realised that he was being unfair to her. As frail as she might be in some ways, she had never been afraid to tell him when he crossed the line.  
It wasn't until they left the table and she seemingly by accident brushed against his arm and gave him a glance that he knew that mixed with her fear there were not only feelings of love, but of lust. Lust possibly as strong as his own. He tried not to see Buck's warning expression and followed her as she walked down the hall to her own room.  
Oh, you want to come in? she said innocently, with her hand on the doorknob.  
He raised his eyebrows. If you don't mind?  
Now, why would I mind? Her voice still kept that phony, teasing innocence, but when they entered the room she couldn't help burshing into laughter.  
You're a little witch after all, you know he signed to her.  
Yes I am. And I have enchanted you so that you will be my slave forever, she joked. She put her arms around him and said: I'm sorry that I'm upsetting Buck's sense of right and wrong. He's such a nice guy. I don't know what he think's we're doing.  
Ike signed: Maybe something like this? before he leant forward to kiss her.  
She returned his kiss, and then her lips searched their way down to his neck. His hands lovingly caressed her body, and without even thinking he started to take off her blouse. The immediate change in her every muscle repelled him, as if he had been burnt.  
It's okay, go on, she whispered, and with shivering hands she unbuttoned his shirt. He took a few steps backwards.  
I don't want to do something that makes you uncomfortable.  
It'll pass. I want you to do it.  
He shook his head.  
Do it, damn it! her voice was harsh, and he shook his head again.  
You're scared.  
Well, of course I'm scared, you goddamned idiot! She turned away from him, and then turned back. I'm sorry. I'm just so confused right now.  
He moved her slowly closer to him and kissed her. Then he gently took off her blouse, kissing every inch of flesh that became visible. He could feel her relaxing under his lips. She kissed his chest and the pit between his collarbones where the pulse was throbbing wildly. Her lips were dry, but he sensed no fear in her. He didn't know how long they were kissing like this, exploring each other, but by the time they moved to the bed, she seemed to find nothing strange about the arrangement. Not until he leant over her, when her body suddenly stiffened again. He quickly moved away and his eyes asked her what was wrong.  
I'm sorry, she mumbled, embarrassed to admit her fears. I feel trapped when you do that.  
He nodded his consent, and she assured him:  
No, I'm okay, really. Just go on. I want to go through with this.  
Instead of getting back, he laid down by her side and caressed her leg, calming her down. Her willingness to do what was obviously frightening to her moved him, but he wanted this to be as pleasant as possible for her. After a moment of thought, he gently tilted her so that her body was leaning towards his, her shoulders against his chest. He put his arm around her and his legs close to hers, and she relaxed by the touch. She leant her head backwards and sighed with delight, enjoying the soft warmth of his skin as much as he enjoyed hers.  
Comfortable? he signed.  
She nodded. His hand was so perfect that she took it to kiss it, holding his arm against her chest with both her own hands. He let her hold it like that for a while and then slowly drew it back. She willingly moved in the direction he suggested and spread her legs a little when his hand showed the way. Overwhelmed by his touch, she closed her eyes.  
The very next moment they were wide open again. A tiny moan escaped her lips.  
she whispered.  
When they were finished, she lay quietly looking straight ahead. After a while he started to wonder if something was wrong, and he moved so he could see her face. He was relieved to find she was smiling. Her eyes met his.  
, she said. She sounded like a little girl at a carneval. The association was confirmed when she asked: Can we do that again?  
He grinned at her eagerness.  
In a little while. Touching her blushed cheeks, he added: You're definitely not frigid.  
Well, I had no idea it could be like this.  
The remark made him childishly pleased with himself, and he teased her:  
So you think I'm a good lover?  
The answer was a huge explosion of laughter. She laughed so much she could barely breathe, and finally she panted:  
Ike, you're priceless, do you know that? She still giggled to herself. I would have to guess on this one, but I think you are. I certainly enjoyed it anyway, and I'm not just talking about getting out of it without any bruises.  
He felt a little embarrassed at her amusement, but still happy that she was happy.  
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did, too.  
So, do you want to do it again?  
Soon. He suddenly realised that she didn't know very much about these things and explained: I can't do it right away.  
She lay quiet for a minute, thinking. Ike, I don't want to sound ignorant, but well, I didn't see your face. Is there some way we can do this so I can see your face and still be able to move?  
He smiled. Many ways.  
For example?  
You can be on top.  
She opened her mouth in surprise. Then she gave a startled laughter and quickly jumped up to sitting on his stomach.  
Surrender, soldier, she said, and show me how it's done.  
  



	13. Awakenings

Chapter 13: Awakenings  
  
They saw no point in leaving when the hour was getting late. This was where they wanted to be. Sandy never asked Ike to stay, he simply did not leave. After a while they both fell asleep.  
Sandy woke up by Ike moving around. When she opened her eyes the sun blinded her and she quickly closed them again. She didn't want him to leave, but knew that he, unlike her, had to start working early. Slowly, she let her eyes get used to the sun so that she could see him.  
He stood by the window, getting dressed, and she drank his every movement with her eyes. Somehow he sensed that she was looking at him, and he turned around.  
I was just admiring the view, she said with a smile. Did you know that you have a very cute backside?  
He grinned and shook his head. I'm the only person in this world who may never see that backside, no matter how cute it is.  
I figured if you'd admired it in a mirror or something, she said.  
She sat up in the bed and he, now fully dressed, seated himself next to her. A brief kiss was shared, and her hand struck his head lovingly.  
You've got a beautiful head, she said when she got her lips to herself. Why do you hide it under that bandanna? Not that it's not pretty, but well, you're prettier without it.  
People don't tend to think so.  
Well, they're silly then. You have an advantage, I think, in showing an example of perfection most people hide. She leant her face in her hands that were resting on her knees. You never think about how beautiful people really are unless you're in love. Well, there's babies, obviously. I remember counting Manolo's fingernails: it was so fantastic to me that they were all there. Of course, Nita notices everything. She's probably a changeling or something. She laughed. You know, just because people are big-mouthed and mean it doesn't mean they're right. What's the big deal, in thirty or forty years you would have lost your hair anyway. And they say bald men are very viril.  
He raised an eyebrow.  
Who says that?  
Lots of people. I heard it from Lena, my roommate, though. She's completely promiscuous, so she ought to know.  
I thought you liked your roommate.  
I love her, she said simply. That's why I can call her promiscuous. I'm willing to defend her honour against any stranger who tries to do likewise. Of course, they tend to use stronger words.  
He lay down, watching her.  
Interesting.  
What is?  
You're as spiny as a hedgehog, but I believe that there's a heart of gold under it.  
Naa, I'm mean through and through, she answered and kissed him. Go on now, you'll be late for work.  
She pushed him out of the bed and watched him leave with a sadness that couldn't drown her joy of having him at all.  
  
To Ike, it felt like just a day or two later (even though it was closer to a week and a half) that they beat the last spikes into the Girón house.  
We're almost ready to move in! said mrs. Girón happily.  
Ike felt a sudden pain at the thought. It struck him that he did not want to leave.  
But what about furniture? he asked.  
While translating, Buck gave him a suspicious glance, guessing his motives. Mrs. Girón, on the other hand, revealed no knowledge of Ike's affairs of the heart.  
Don't worry, she said. We have a few things ready, and the rest we can arrange for ourselves. There's really no need to keep you here.  
This was true, from a certain point of view. From another, it wasn't true at all.  
None of the Fernandez showed any surprise when the riders declared that they would be leaving the next day.  
It's a good thing I have finished my statuette of Lou, Nita said. I burnt it this morning, I can get it right now.  
She went off for a few minutes and returned with a tiny little bust of the female rider, not so much a portrait as a caricature.  
Here you go, she said, dropping the little thing in Lou's hand. The others gathered to look at it.  
That's really cute! Sandy said. Then she turned to Ike, and her voice was low and solemn as she said: I would have wanted to sculpt you, but I have tried and I just can't do it.  
He wanted to take her in his arms, right then and there, but there were too many people around them.  
I'm sorry about this he signed to her.  
She looked at him without understanding.  
About what?  
Leaving.  
I always knew you would, she said. Even though she seemed very calm, she couldn't help throwing her arms around him. To hell with what everyone thought. You don't have to apologize. You have given me beautiful memories and I'll cherish them forever. She gave him a smile full of mischief and whispered: But I could suggest better ways of saying good-bye.  
He returned her smile. Buck would get the room for himself this last night as well.  
A thoughful frown was shown upon her face when he left her company. It occurred to her that memories might not be the only thing he had given to her. But if that was true, so much the better.  
  
The riders managed to departure with dry eyes, even if it was a mystery to them how they did it. As always when a trip is over, their minds lightened when they came closer to home and recalled that they weere soon to meet their family there. Still, they already missed their new friends.  
I would like to go back some time, Lou suddenly said on the last day of riding. She touched the little bust that she kept in her pocket and smiled to herself. This trip really had been nothing like she expected it to be.  
Ike hurried his horse at her words. A part of him wanted to turn it around right then and there, but he wouldn't let himself do it. He tried to abolish Sandy from his memory, and with her all the things that belonged to her: her family, her home, even the horrid days in captivity when they had sought comfort with each other. Instead, he concentrated on Emily, and he found himself longing after her. He recalled the time when they had first met, and he knew that he still loved her, that he would always love her. But he also knew, even if it was easier to deny it, that they never could return to those times.  
The first sight of the Rock Creek station made them speed things up without even thinking. After a months departure, they were finally back home. It wasn't really until then that the place became quite real to them, and when they rode closer they looked around. Things had changed somehow, even if they couldn't say how.  
Lou saw Noah stepping out on the porch, and she could have sworn she heard him yell Riders coming! even though she knew it wasn't possible from that range. Her horse wanted to go home as much as she did, and stretched out in a happy gallop. As soon as she reached the station she slided down from the horse's back and gave Noah a spontaneous hug.  
It's so good to be home! she said. In the corner of her eye she saw Kid coming out of the barn. She waited for him to come for her, but when he didn't she turned around and looked at him. His face was hesitant, and she remembered the mood in which she had left. Things had changed for her, but he didn't know that. She motioned for him to get closer, and he obeyed her with a grin on his face.  
I've missed you so much, Kid said, getting a tight hold on her.  
Same here, she answered. I'm really sorry we had that stupid fight. I forgive you.  
_You_ forgive _me_?  
She laughed at his mock indignation and placed a kiss on his lips to soothe him.  
The boys had gotten of their horses as well by now and happily greeted their friends. Teaspoon shook his head as he cheerfully thumped his riders on their backs.  
Now, I thought I'd get you boys out of harm's way for a while, but I guess it's simply not done. I'm proud of you for hanging around to finish your job, though.  
No kidnapping can stop us! Lou answered with a grin.  
Teaspoon turned to Ike. Are you okay? Emily has been furious on me for the past few weeks. She says I shouldn't have let you go.  
Ike looked nervously at the others. For a second he thought that they had told to much in their letters home. He realised his mistake when Teaspoon said:  
So how is your side doing? I hope all this trouble didn't make it worse.  
No, I'm fine he signed, relieved. I don't feel a thing anymore. Stronger than ever!  
Well, that's a good thing, Teaspoon said. Now, if you get yourself washed up, I believe Rachel will be ready to serve you a delightful dinner.  
  
Ike's first feeling when he saw Emily's familiar feauteres was a great joy. Then shame rose inside him that he could rejoice in any other woman than the one he had been sharing his bed with for the past two weeks. But what was he thinking? This was his Emily, the girl he loved and was practically engaged to. If he was to be ashamed of anything, it was Sandy. Emotions tumbled inside and he had no idea what to do when she came nearer. This was the girl he loved. Sandy was the girl he loved. Buck had never actually answered him when he asked if you could love two girls at once. It seemed you could. Ike wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and smiled at Emily.  
Hi handsome, she said and smiled back. She took the last couple of steps to him and laid her arms around his waist. I've missed you.  
He hugged her gently and knew that he had missed her too. He was happy to be back with her, but he felt an insufferable pain knowing that he must try to forget the other side of the story.  
I've missed you too he signed, taking a step backwards so that she could see his hands. The very next second he regretted letting her go. He didn't want to seem aloof. Then again, why would he? Every time he wanted to talk to someone he had to make a distance so the person could see his signs. It was just that he couldn't recall ever doing that to Sandy. Maybe he had done it and forgotten about it, but right now all he could remember was her characteristic habit of leaning the back of her head to his chest so that he could hold her and at the same time sign to her with his hands around her waist.  
Emily never did that. He didn't want her to, either. The last thing he wanted right now would be for Emily to do things that would remind him of Sandy. The two girls couldn't have been more different - and thank God for that! What he needed to do now was to clear his memory of anything reminiscent of Sandy.  
Ike, what's wrong? Emily looked frowning at him and he smiled at her.  
Nothing. My mind just wandered off.  
He struck her beautiful sunburnt face lightly with his fingertips. A month ago she had been everything he ever wanted. He would make sure they returned to that once again.  
  



	14. The Truth

  
Chapter 14: The Truth  
  
Emily came up to Buck who was loading hay in the barn. He didn't see her coming at first and was startled by her greeting.  
he replied, and then silenced, awkward. He had always found Emily easy to get along with, but since they came back home he didn't know how to face her. It was wrong to keep Ike's affair from her, but he wasn't the one to tell her. He gave her a bland smile and returned to his duties.  
She stood next to him silently for so long that he began to get nervous.  
Ike has met someone else, hasn't he? she asked.  
Buck had to prevent the hay from falling down in his face.  
he gasped, blinking wildly while he tried to think of something to say, anything to say.  
Don't do this, Buck, she pleaded. I know he has.  
Her eyes were as cold as the sea, piercing into his with a glare that demanded the truth. He sighed, arranged the hay so it wouldn't fall down and met those eyes.  
What has Ike told you? he asked.  
She shook her head, frowning.  
Why would he have to tell me? Ike couldn't hide his feelings from anyone. I know his face by heart, I've known that he hides something from me from the day you returned. It didn't take a genius to figure out what.  
Buck drew his fingers through his hair.  
Emily, I really think you should discuss this with Ike. I shouldn't...  
Can't you at least answer some yes or no questions?  
Buck gave in.  
Like what?  
Well I know there's someone, and that he met her while you were away. Didn't he?  
  
She closed her eyes in pain. Clearly, she had not really wanted her conclusions to be true.  
I knew he did, she said in a low voice. I knew it from the way he touched me, looked at me, from the way he refused to talk about anything that happened when you were away. And the rest of you always looked guilty when you did. I've lain awake at nights, watching him dream about her, and I wished so much he could talk so that he might whisper her name in his sleep. That I would at least know her name.  
She looked at him, and he felt so sorry for her at that moment. She shouldn't have to endure this. Not like this.  
What's her name, Buck? she asked.  
That's not a yes or no question.  
Buck, please.  
He knew she was right, but he felt like he was betraying Ike as he spoke the word.  
  
She tried the name in her mouth. The boarding woman's daughter?  
  
She nodded to herself.  
Of course, she said. That kidnapping situation. There's nothing like a near death experience to raise romantic emotions. Her voice was bitter. Tell me, Buck, did they did they sleep together?  
He hesitated.  
I think they must have. The last two weeks he spent hardly a single night in his own room.  
Emily grimaced.  
Oh God! she cried. If I ever lay my hands on that little tramp  
She's not a little tramp!  
Buck was surprised at his own words, and much more at the harshness of his voice. Emily stared at him, certainly no less surprised.  
Are you defending her?  
I'm not defending anyone. What they did was wrong, and I told them that from the start. But just because people do bad things that doesn't mean they are bad themselves. Sandy's not a tramp, she's a fine woman and I'm proud to know her.  
Tears rose in her eyes.  
And what about me? she asked. What am I?  
He touched her cheek, trying to comfort her even though he didn't know how to.  
You're a fine woman too. Ike found you worth risking his life for, and I don't blame him. I've never seen him as happy as he has been with you, and I wish so much I could say that I don't know why he's doing this to you.  
But you do? she whispered.  
I think so. I'm sorry.  
She nodded. He had never seen her so devastated and realised that even though he had had doubts about it, she really loved Ike with all her heart.  
You have to talk this through with Ike, he said. He wondered to himself how his friend would react. Obviously, he had no intention of ever telling Emily the truth, and he might not like the fact that she had heard it from Buck.  
I guess. She turned around, stunned, and started to walk off. Then she turned around and said:   
I'm sorry.  
Don't be. I got what I wanted. I got the truth.  
  
She was surprised by her own reaction. Ever since she realised what was going on, she had thought about going up to Ike, screaming in his face what she thought about him. She just wanted to wait until she was sure. Well, now she was sure, and she found that she didn't want to confront him. All she wanted was to return to what they had before any of this started.  
But that same evening, when they found a moment alone after Cody's unexpectedly tactful disappearance, Ike put his arm around her shoulders and she balked. He looked at her, and the guilt she found in his eyes made her certain that nothing would ever be the same again. Carefully, she realeased herself from his touch.  
I know about Sandy, she said, calmly.  
His face was shocked, but he nodded.  
How? he asked.  
Most of it I figured out myself. The rest I asked Buck about.  
Ike's face darkened and she hurried to say:  
Don't blame Buck for this, I pressured him.  
I don't. He sighed deeply. He did the right thing. I should have done it myself a long time ago, but I thought I could forget her.  
Forget her? For the first time, Emily raised her voice. You cheated on me, Ike! You slept with that woman, how could you possibly think you could just forget her? And what about her emotions? How does she feel about all this? Or doesn't she know about me?  
She knows. She wanted to do it anyway. I think she Ike hesitated, but he felt a sensation of pure joy as he finished the sentence. I think she loves me.  
Emily felt tears rising in her eyes and put her hand in front of her face to cover it. She managed to get her voice steady and her eyes clear as she asked:  
And what do you feel?  
He couldn't look into her eyes when he answered.  
I'm sorry.  
No. Ike, no. She shook her head, and no there was no way to stop those awful tears from falling down her cheeks.  
I haven't stopped loving you he signed, his face filled with pain. But I can't change what I've done, no matter how much I wish you didn't have to go through this.  
I know that. Even though she was crying, she still tried to remain calm. But why can't you just tell me what I want to hear? She saw his eyebrows rise quizzically and added: Tell me it didn't mean anything.  
I can't.  
They both said nothing for a while, and then Ike raised his hands again to continue.  
That's the reason I couldn't forget. It meant something - a lot - and there's this big hole inside me because I miss her so much. We said it was only temporary, but emotions don't stop when you tell them to.  
Ike, I don't want to know this.  
He nodded. I'm sorry.  
Yeah, well, that doesn't help much.  
I do love you very much. In one way I love you both, and that's what's making this so difficult.  
Just answer me one thing. If she came back to you and said 'I want to marry you and live the rest of my life with you', would you want to take that offer?  
Ike hesitated, but then he nodded, slowly.  
Well, then. Her mind was numb and cold, just like it had been at first when her father had died. You understand that I'm not going to be second best for you?  
Another nod. His eyes were sad, and she knew that she loved those eyes more than anything in this world, but she could never ever live with him after this. She moved closer to him and they gave eachother one last hug.  
I'm going to miss you, she said.  
Me too.  
I don't want us to be enemies, Ike. I'm still mad at you, not to mention her, but I guess this is just the way life works sometimes. I'm not going to allow myself to get bitter. For the first time during this discussion, they smiled at eachother.  
Good.  
  
She reluctantly turned away from him and left. The door between them closed.  
  



	15. The Hotel Guest

Chapter 15: The Hotel Guest  
  
Emily walked down the stairs into the hotel lobby. She was always a little bit put down by her hotel room. Not that it wasn't nice and all, but it was so impersonal. The only reason she had kept the hotel room all this time had been because she expected to marry Ike soon and there was no point in getting a different place to live. She really ought to get a grip on herself. After all, she and Ike had split up more than three weeks ago. Either she ought to get herself a proper home or leave town altogether. She was leaning towards the latter. There wasn't all that much to keep her here, and moving was always an adventure.  
The clerk was talking to a customer and little bits of there conversation came through to Emily, but she paid very little attention to it at first.  
Here you go, miss. The clerk handed the key over to the customer. May I ask for you name?  
Alejandra Fernandez. The young woman's voice was low, but Emily heard it clearly and spun around. So this was the girl Ike had left her for!  
You're much welcome, miss Fernandez. Are you travelling alone?  
I'm afraid so. Thank you very much.  
Sandy turned away from the clerk and found that she was looking into Emily's eyes. She frowned suspiciously.  
she asked. Her voice wasn't unfriendly, but clearly on its guard.  
You're Sandy, right? I'm Emily.  
Sandy's eyes widened.  
  
The two rivals stared at each other, measuring each other with their eyes. So that is what she looks like.  
We should go to my room, Sandy said. I don't want to have this conversation in public.  
Emily realised the sense in this suggestion and followed the other girl upstairs.  
Sandy closed the door and looked around.  
Not a bad room, she said.  
You won't think that when you've lived in one for a few months.  
Oh, I wasn't planning to stay that long.  
Then why are you here at all?  
There was steel in Emily's voice and Sandy looked her straight into the eyes when she said:  
I'm not trying to take Ike away from you.  
Away from me? Emily's voice got higher. She could hardly believe her ears. You already took him away from me! Now you may as well keep him for all I care! Ike and I broke up three weeks ago, and you were the only reason. Now, if you can live with that, he's all yours.  
Sandy opened her mouth, then closed it and shook her head.  
You can't give him away like he's some kind of present for bad behaviour! Just because he's not yours, that doesn't mean he's mine.  
He wants you, Emily informed her calmly.  
Well, maybe I don't want him, has that thought entered you mind! Sandy was getting defensive now, and her voice was harsh.  
You don't? Emily's voice was sarcastic.  
Maybe not.  
Don't lie to me.  
Sandy lost control of her temper.  
Okay, fine, you want the truth? I love that man! But I'm not here to get him back. I just want to talk to him, then I'll get going. That's all. As for your breaking up, I'm sorry about that, but I didn't tie him to his hands and feet and drag him to my bed. He came voluntarily.  
Emily couldn't deny that fact, but she didn't trust this girl either.  
You listen to me, she said. I know Ike's lovelife is none of my business anymore, but I don't want you playing with his feelings.  
Who's playing? Both the girls were now openly hostile.  
Do you want to marry him then? Or what are your plans?  
I told you my plans. Some things we did need to be discussed further. Once I've done that, I'm going back to Chicago. Whether or not I see him again is up to him, but I'm certainly not going to marry him. Not even if he asks me to.  
But you said you love him, Emily pointed out.  
That's not the point.  
Emily stared at this strange girl. Against her own will, she began to be interested in her rival. What Buck had tried to tell her made sense now. Sandy wasn't a little tramp, but what on earth was she then?  
I don't understand you, she said.  
A smile flickered over Sandy's lips. You don't have to. Non of this is really your business.  
Emily should have been angry at this remark. Instead, she found herself saying:  
It's a pity we can't be friends.  
Sandy viewed her for a moment, surprised.  
It is, she admitted.  
We can't, can we?  
No. I don't think so.  
It was, not nice, Emily thought, but not the complete opposite either, interesting meeting you. Relieving.  
Her curiosity had been settled at some points, but on others it had just awoken.  
Well, I should be leaving, she said. And remember, if you hurt him I'll kill you.  
Emily, wait, Sandy said as the other girl opened he door. Emily waited with her hand on the doorknob as Sandy went through her luggage, carefully lifting something up and handing it over to Emily.  
It was two hands made of clay, cupped together, holding a feather in their hands, so thin Emily couldn't understand how it was made. But she recognized those hands, and she knew what Sandy tried to tell her. She inspected the statuette and found in it every mark she was looking for.  
I couldn't make his face, Sandy said in a low tone. But this was easy.  
Emily nodded and gave the statuette back to Sandy, careful not to break it. Sandy's eyes met hers.  
If I hurt him, it won't be intentional.  
  
Emily found the riders outside on the street, loading goods from Thompkins' store on the wagon. She noticed their uncomfort as she went by and was irritated. These people used to be her friends, but now they punished her for something that wasn't even her fault. She deliberately stopped to talk to them, forcing them to meet her eyes. The only one doing that with comfort was Buck. Of course, she thought sourly to herself. He had gotten the whole thing out of his system by telling her the truth and could honestly keep his slate clean.  
It didn't surprise her when Cody excused himself, but that special tone in his voice still made her turn around to see what had caught his interest. What she saw made her grin wryly.  
Oh, Ike, I forgot to tell you, she told her ex-fiancé, who still awkwardly looked down. Your girlfriend's in town.  
Ike's head jerked up, and he saw Sandy coming towards him, smiling at Cody's attempts to flirt with her.  
So this is a friend of yours, Ike? Cody asked as they came up to the wagon, unable to interpret the stares directed at Sandy.  
Ike nodded and signed to Sandy: What are you doing here?  
I needed to talk to you. Sandy noticed herself that her voice was harsh because of all the people around. Hi everybody, she said to them, then turning back to Ike. Ike, whenever you have the time I'd really appreciate a talk. In private.  
Ike nodded. His eyes unwillingly turned to Emily, and Sandy caught this look and said:  
Hi again, Emily.  
Emily smiled at her. She didn't want to leave and thereby resign from her position, but she knew that the suspense her presence added wasn't what Sandy needed - and she had promised herself not to be bitter.  
Hi Sandy. I'm going back to my hotelroom. Maybe I'll see you later?  
  
At this point Cody finally caught on. His jaw dropped and he stared first at Sandy, then at Emily leaving, then back to Sandy again. All of the riders listened with utmost suspense as Sandy continued her conversation with Ike.  
So what do you say? she asked. Can you get off sometime and meet me at the hotel?  
He nodded. I'm working now, but later this afternoon I can come.  
  
She turned to leave, and Ike rushed up to her. He felt that if he didn't stop her now, she would disappear from his life again as sudden as she had entered it.  
I'm glad you're here he signed.  
She smiled at him, but she wasn't quite herself. It wasn't the aggressive nervousness you could expect, but she seemed thoughtful and tired.  
I'll walk you back to the hotel.  
It's about forty feet away.  
I'll walk you anyway.  
She laughed a little. Alright, then.  
She moved closer to him and gave him a quick peck, but turned her face away before he could return the kiss.  
The other riders watched them go in shocked silence.  
Buck said. He was uncapable of finishing the sentence.  
We should at least have said hello, Lou said. I was just so stunned to see her.  
_That_ was Sandy Fernandez? Cody asked rhetorically. But she's so pretty!  
Buck looked at him.  
Why wouldn't she be?  
Well it's just that Ike I mean his girls are Why is he so lucky all of a sudden? Cody babbled incoherently. Then he thought of something. She said I reminded her of her brother. At least that has to be a compliment, doesn't it?  
He looked at Lou, who answered: I'm sure it was.  
So maybe she'd be interested in me? I mean if things don't work out with her and Ike?  
Lou put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a friendly smile. Her brother is a pederast.  
  
Ike knocked on Sandy's door with an eagerness that surprised him. His heart fluttered oh so slightly and he thought to himself that he mustn't spoil this. He mustn't let her go another time.  
Sandy opened the door, and by the tone of her voice he could hear that she wasn't exactly calm herself.  
Come in. Sit down, she ordered, and when he was seated she sat down opposite him.  
she said. I'm sorry to come unexpectedly like this. I tried to write, but I couldn't. It was just I had to see you face to face.  
You needed to talk to me? His questioning eyes were fixed on her face.  
, she said. She sat silent for a moment and then asked: Ike, you know I can take care of myself, don't you?  
This wasn't what he had expected. He raised his eyebrows, but nodded after a moment's thought.  
I don't need anybody's help, and I can take responsibility. I want you to know that.  
Yes. He didn't understand what she was getting at.  
She took a deep breath. I'm having a baby. When she had said those words, a smile came over her face. And this one I'm keeping, she added.  
Ike forgot to breath. He stared at her and felt mixed feelings of joy and fear rising in his heart. A baby. He was going to be a father. Carefully, he took her face in her hands and kissed her. Then he drew back from her with a smile on his face, signing: Really?  
Well, I'm sure not lying to you. Listen, Ike, I anticipated this, but I know you didn't, and I'm not asking any favours. I can take care of the baby on my own, I just thought you had a right to know.  
He hardly even listened to her. He had been afraid that whatever she had to tell him would separate them, but this would bring them closer together. This confirmed their relationship, proved that it was something else than just a flirt, easy to start, easy to forget.  
Will you marry me? he asked.  
She moved away from him, and a frustrated wrinkle was seen between her eyebrows. No! I won't marry you.  
Why not?  
you're feeling sorry for me. We wouldn't even have this conversation if I wasn't pregnant.  
Maybe not he admitted. But sooner or later I'd want to marry you anyway. So what if this rushes things a bit?  
She shook her head violently.  
You haven't even thought this through! she said angrily.  
I have he signed. Every day since I left you. A thought struck his mind. But maybe this is too quick for you? Or you don't want to marry me at all?  
Don't want to? She raised her voice. Do you have any idea what it feels like to dream about someone, hoping against hope that one day you will be able to marry him, and then when he proposes it's out of pity!? Don't do this to me, Ike.  
At last he understood what was wrong, and he shook his head, caressing her gently before he assured her:  
It's not pity. If I may spend the rest of my life with you and our child, I will consider myself the luckiest man alive. I know you can get by on your own, but won't you please let us be a family?  
He pulled her closer, feeling the soft skin of her cheek against his neck. He felt her take a deep breath and then nod slowly.  
, she whispered.  
Overwhelmed by joy, he held her so close they were almost as one being. He felt tears coming down his cheeks and did nothing to stop them. His prayers had been heard. She would stay with him.  
  
  


**The end - for now**


End file.
